No, I’m not dying (any more quickly than usual, anyhow) and I’m not suicidal.
I am however, at a crossroads about what to do with a friendship that I am, quite honestly, tired of.
I have known this person for almost 20 years. I met her through a friend when I first got to college. She didn’t go to UAPB with us, but was attending a 2-year business program at a local community college. Nice, friendly, a genuine person whom I came to love and respect as the years passed.
She was “mildly” overweight when we met, gained a lot of weight over the years, and at one point was morbidly ill – I think her heart was functioning at less than 15%. She couldn’t work because of all of the weight and filed for, and got disability.
A few years ago she had gastric bypass. She lost a lot of weight. But. Only the initial weight one drops after that procedure. She didn’t exercise, didn’t change her eating habits. She’s still overweight, just not as much as prior to the surgery.
Okay, I’m a little off track here. I type all of this to say this: I am tired of conversations about her not having any money (you don’t work honey, and aren’t independently wealthy), about how much pain she’s in from her fibromyalgia, about which of her cadre of doctors she’s visited this week, about her blood sugar level (newly diagnosed diabetic), about how she really needs to lose some weight, about how she can’t exercise because of the pain etc.,etc., etc.
Basically, every conversation I have with her is about her medical ailments in one form or another, and I’m tired of it.
I’m not an uncompassionate person, really I’m not. I’m sorry that she has health issues. I don’t mind listening every once in a while – believe me when I say I understand the need to vent (hello blogworld!), but it is getting to be a bit much. My grandmother will be 87 in June, Lord willing, and doesn’t have or complain about 1/10 of this girl’s issues.
Did I mention that she doesn’t drive? So all she has to do all day is watch TV, visit doctors, and occasionally get out with a few friends. She’s 37 with a “real age” of oh, I don’t know 167.
I told Smoochy that I was tired and really considering ending our friendship. He told me that I was wrong. That this girl doesn’t have a lot of friends, that she needs me, and that my conversations with her were not “draining” me as I claimed. That there are times when I gripe and she listens to me. Valid points. My husband is also a very loyal friend, and there are friends of his I wish he would dump, but I know that he never will.
I don’t think I’m that loyal. I am a big proponent of dumping anything that I find clutters my life - clothes, junk mail, people.
I still care about her. I just don’t care to hear about the same crap every time we talk – which is just about daily. Problem is, once you remove her issues, she doesn’t have much left to talk about.
I admit that because I feel as though a lot of her issues are self caused, I have less compassion that I would have for someone who took better care of themselves. I’m not saying it’s right, but it is where I am . . .
And, she’s very sensitive, so I’m pretty sure that my usual approach which would be “look honey, you’ve got to find something else to talk about,” wouldn’t go over so well.
What, if anything, say you? I need additional perspective on this one.