I’ll not be kicking her to the curb. We live a state apart, so we don’t have the opportunity to do things together, our relationship is mostly over the phone.

Anyhoo, in the last few conversations we’ve had, I’ve gently steered the conversation away from her health woes when she tries to go there. So far, so good.

Mes Deaux Cents – I think you hit the nail on the head – I shouldn’t expect her to change, but I can definitely change the relationship.

Keith – thanks for keeping it real. I think if she were physically closer then I would have to let her go, but the distance seems to work out in my favor this go round.

Yolanda, Fashionista and Kia – I am going to try and strike a balance and find that happy place where I don’t feel emotionally drained but where she does have an opportunity to gripe a little. After all, that’s what friends are for.

I guess I’m a little late commenting. Anyway I try to find solutions to problematic friendships, rather than just end them. I think in life there are times to cut people loose but this doesn’t sound like one of them.

Maybe you can re-direct the friendship. Instead of it being one where there is a lot of conversation, which ends up in her complaining, possibly you could invite her to participate in activities that don’t involve a lot of talk time.

Maybe the two of you could take a class or exercise together, maybe walk. My point is maybe it’s just that the relationship needs to change rather than expecting her to change.

I hope that helps.

Taking a step back may be not only good for you but also for her. No one should ever expect you to martyr your own happiness for theirs, and until she can find a way to at least have a better outlook none of your help or attention can really make a difference. I hope she wakes up and starts making some sort of change soon so she can appreciate the priceless treasure having a real friend truly is.

I will not end our friendship. I will limit the frequency and duration of our conversations. I probably will not talk to her about her lifestyle habits and how very unhealthy and deadly they are. She knows this and is not yet ready to face her demons and better her life. I will continue to pray for her.

Thanks again – I appreciate it!

I told her I was worried because she couldn’t climb a flight of stairs without stopping and I wanted her to go see a therapist and get to eating vegetables instead of deep dish pizza. And that I would go walking with her if she wanted to.

That was 1993 and she stopped speaking to me. I just got an email from her a couple weeks ago and she added me as a friend on Facebook. She’s bigger than ever, not married still, but has three master’s degrees so that’s good, I guess.

Anyway, I don’t think I was super tactful or good at telling her that I wanted to have her in my life when we were old, and not in the sense of having to go visit her in a nursing home, but if I were you, tell your friend honestly what you’re seeing. If she chooses to never speak to you again, at least you have ended the enabling behavior she counts on.