He’s Not Heavy . . .

He’s my husband.

Y’all, my husband really, really needs to lose weight.  The problem is that he doesn’t seem to be motivated to do anything about it.  I am worried about his health.  I’ve begged, pleaded, suggested . . . nothing seems to work.  I cook about as healthily as I possibly can without being a food nazi and I don’t keep many snacks in the house anymore.

I love the man, honest I do, honest I do, honest I do.  Sorry – where was I?  Oh yes, I love him.  But in all honesty, and I can’t believe I’m even putting this out there, I am not all that attracted to larger physiques.  I wish he would lose weight – for himself and for me.

Am I wrong?  I always hear women talking about how their husbands should love them as they are, they put on weight because of the babies, etc., etc.  I know I should support my sisters, but really, I’ve always agreed with the husbands on this one.  It might not be easy, but I think you should try to maintain the physique you had when you attracted and married your spouse.  Now, I’m not going to lie – I am a size bigger than I was when I met Smoochy almost 15 years ago.  I was a 10 in college, now I’m a 12.  I work out, and think I’m in pretty good shape – I do need to tone back up, but I haven’t gone to the extreme in either direction.

I’m not expecting physical perfection from Smoochy, he’s always been big – I just want him to get back to a more . . . agreeable size. 

I’m thinking I should just leave it alone and up his insurance policy.  Seriously.  Is this one of those things where “until he’s ready, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says?”

Has anyone ever told you that you needed to lose weight?  How did you take it?  Have you ever told anyone that they needed to shape up?  What was their response?

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11 thoughts on “He’s Not Heavy . . .

  1. I’ve never been in this situation on either side. I think that it won’t help it if you tell him he needs to lose weight. Until he is good and ready, chances are…he’s going to keep the weight. I hope he gets the message soon for your sake. Good luck! :-)

  2. T says:

    I’m not a fan of overweight guys, but because I HAVE dated overweight guys, I now am attracted to stockier guys. Football player looking dudes: tall and wide, but not fat. Most of them are always trying to lose weight, but I’m attracted to them at this bigger (not unhealthy, but bigger size). I always wonder if they lost weight would I still be attracted to them…

    Enough about me though, for your situation, I guarantee you the more you sweat Smoochy about his weight, the less he’ll do to lose weight. It’s the same with smokers, drinkers, shopaholics. People have to make up in their mind to do better, that’s the only way. So even though you love him very much and are worried about his health, you have to ease up on him if you want to see results. He’s gonna wake up one day and the light’s going to go off in his head and he’ll casually ask you about working out or eating better. Don’t hit him with the it’s about time or I told you so, just act like it’s a normal question and do the happy dance inside.

  3. I think you pointed out something very important, he needs to lose the weight for health reasons. That’s a very legitimate concern. It sounds like you are doing the right things by cooking better and providing healthy food choices. I would suggest that you join a gym and encourage him to go with you to work out. If that doesn’t work, or if it’s too direct, then start walking in the evenings with the family. Encourage him to join you in the “family time” and before you know it, he should start losing some weight, especially if he is sedentary now. Thirty minutes three times a week will do him wonders.

    Your “cosmetic concerns” are normal. You didn’t say how big he is so that’s a tough one. But you did say that you are one size bigger, not that it’s a big deal, but you should think about the fairness in that.

  4. BGG – I think you’re right – I’m going to leave him alone.

    T – You’re right – I’m going to leave him alone. In my head, I know that he’s not going to do anything until he makes up his mind to do so. In my heart, I want to nag him until he makes a move.

    JJ – I’ve tried that – he did not fall for the old “let’s take a walk together” tactic. And to compound issues, he now drives trucks, so our family time is limited to weekends. He played football (offensive lineman) in college, so he’s always been big, now he is bigger – I’d guess he’s gone up 4 or 5 sizes in the 9.5 years we’ve been married. I guess I should’ve elaborated – I’m in the gym 3 or 4 times a week – cardio and weights. A 12 is what I’ll be from here on out – my hip bones widened with my pregnancy. There’s no way I’ll ever be a size ten again. My top half is the same size as it was when we met.

    Thanks y’all. If you pray, please pray that he comes to the realization that he needs to get serious about losing weight BEFORE he has some sort of health scare – or worse. Thanks!!

  5. pserendipity says:

    I agree with everyone else. When he comes around and decides to work it on out, please don’t scare him off with your boot camp.

  6. everyone else’s comments pretty much covered what i was going to say. the only other thing i would add is to tell him that you want him to lose weight because you love him and want to spend your life with him. i’m actually now 3 sizes larger than when i met hubby and, despite his endless badgering, i haven’t really committed to taking the pounds off. i’m finally ready now that i’ve had my 3rd and last child, but i understand how it feels to be in a “weight rut.” be gentle, but be honest. i hope he takes heed!

    p.s.
    would he try weight watchers? it’s really the best weight loss plan out there.

  7. Nerd Girl, You mentioned Smoochy’s weight issue a few weeks ago and as with that post, I commend you for reaching out for some advice. I agree with everyone else. He’ll have to come to it in his own time, but one thing that hasn’t been questioned is how does his weight impact your physical attraction to him and if it does, as with most men, this might make him think twice about not addressing his weight issue in a more proactive manner. I realize this may be touchy and please, don’t feel compelled to respond, but I did want to mention it.

  8. Pserendipity – I’m going to hold my peace. And no worries – I wouldn’t dare fake boot camp him! I don’t feel as bad this morning as I thought I would – I hope I can say the same thing tomorrow!

    JFergie – I hadn’t thought about Weight Watchers. Maybe he would do better on a program than trying to go it alone. Thanks for the suggestion. I’ll mention it. Gently.

    Mango Mama – I’m getting old. I didn’t realize I’d posted about this already. Guess it’s been on my mind more than I thought. I think I’ve hinted around to him about the weight/physical attraction connection. I don’t want to be brutally honest as I realize I can be sometimes because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. But that is definitely a factor for me.

  9. Where is he getting the food from? Are you the cook in the home? Are you the grocery shopper? Don’t bring anything bad into the house and start cooking the proper portions and sending his lunch with him. Would that help without actually harping on it? Just by DOING it?

  10. Yolanda – thanks for your prayers – they are needed and appreciated!

    CreoleinDC – he now drives trucks and is gone 5 or 6 days a week, so he gets the majority of his food on the road. When he was teaching I cooked almost daily – he would not take his lunch. I think he’s eating better lately – he’s mentioned salads, baked chicken, etc. I don’t fry, I don’t eat (or cook) beef or pork, and I limit the junk food in the house – it would be hard to gain weight on what I prepare. At this point, it’s really on him – if there were anything that I could do to help him, I would.

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