Warning: I’m rambling today!
Smoochy and I started dating right before I turned 21. I’m now 37 (and rapidly approaching 38!) I’ve been with the same man for 16 years and don’t regret a minute of our time together. We’ve had some great times, some bad times, but most of our lives together has been happy, middle-of-the-road good. Not a whole lotta drama, no real issues, just a nice, happy life. Yeah, I wish he’d lose weight. Yeah, he wishes I’d clean up a bit more, but neither of these are dealbreakers for us. One time he pissed me off so badly I prayed he’d die in his sleep. He didn’t. Life went on.
So, I read a number of blogs and on one of them there’s a regular feature ‘would you date him?’ Specs are given and then everyone chimes in on whether or not they’d date that particular dude. Of course, there’s always a variety of opinions – too tall, too short, too old, wrong job, mama’s boy, too much history, etc. etc.
I’ve always thought that the women were way too picky and that if they’re truly that picky in real life it is no wonder they’re single. And I don’t think being single is a bad thing, so don’t jump all over me for that. I just think that their expectations are……extra. They say they’ve worked hard to achieve whatever, make whatever salary, drive whatever car and they don’t want to spend time or their lives with someone who doesn’t “measure up.” Once a guy chimed in and said they had unrealistic expectations and he was berated for being an underachiever and not measuring up. These ladies don’t want to settle. And I get that. Kinda.
Until last year, I made more money than Smoochy. Never been an issue for either one of us. I’ve got 2.5 degrees, he’s happy with one. Neither of us drives a fancy car – his could be classified as hoopties. When we first got married I don’t think we brought home 45K – combined. It never really mattered. Sure more money would be great, but for me, for us it has always been about us playing on the same team – getting along, loving each other and raising our daughter.
I wonder if my perspective would be different if I were single and looking for someone with whom to spend my life. Would I be pickier (perhaps “more selective” is a better phrasing…) at 37 than I was at 21? Would I refuse to date the garbage man? Would any man I dated have to pull down a six figure salary? Would I scoff at the idea of dinner at the cheap, local Mexican joint? Okay, scratch that last one – I’d never scoff at Mexican food. Neva! I think my only real “requirements” when I was dating Smoochy was that whoever I dated had to be in college (or a college grad) and treat me well.
The thought just popped into my head – I think of my friends and their husbands/SOs, most of the women are “more successful” on paper than are the men……hmmmm……is this settling?
What do y’all think about this? What are/were your requirements for a mate? Are you married? Dating? Single? How long have you with with your S/O? Are there disparities in your income or education levels? If so are they “issues” for either one of you? Nerd Girl is nosy curious and would like to know…..