#Epicfail

Last night, the tornado sirens went off and woke me up.  So, did I do what common sense, experience, and all matter of meterologists would have me do?  Did I immediately take my small child downstairs where we would be safe, avoid windows and stay tuned for more in-depth doppler radar reports?  No sir, no ma’am I did not.

When I woke up to the sounds of the sirens I laid in bed for about 5 minutes trying to figure out what that sound was.  Then I picked up the phone and called Pserendipity to ask her “do you hear that?  What’s that sound?”    I think she hit mute on her television and then confirmed that those were indeed tornado sirens I was hearing.  So then I laid there for another few minutes while thoughts like “ugh, I should get up or something” ran through my mind.  I finally got up and took Lovegirl downstairs and threw lovingly placed her on the couch.  I sat in my chair for a few minutes and then decided that I was not properly dressed for a tornado.  If my roof should be ripped off and I found myself standing in the middle of the street I thought perhaps I should be wearing more than a tank top and my drizzawls.

So I went back upstairs and put on some jeans, a long sleeved tshirt and some socks.  Then I decided that I’d rather have on my UAPB tshirt as opposed to my JSU tshirt.  So I changed shirts.  And went back downstairs where Lovegirl was still knocked out.  I snuggled into my chair and then thought that I should go get my purse in case a tornado jumped off.  I mean, I’d need i.d. and my debit card, right?  So I went back upstairs and got my purse and phone charger (???).  I settled back into my chair and started laughing remembering the time our house caught on fire and my grandma went back inside to get her purse.  Then I called my Mom – the quintessential night owl – so she could keep me company as I waited out the storm.  She was sleep.  She mumbled something about calling me back later to check on us.  Yeah, I’m still waiting for that concerned call.

Anyhoo, after a few episodes of the Golden Girls and more doppler radar information that I knew how to use I decided at about 1:30 a.m. that all was clear and I could get in the bed and get some sleep.  And so I did.  Until 3:30 when my eyes popped open and I watched infomercials until 5.  When I promptly fell asleep.  Only to be awakened at 5:01 by my alarm clock.

And how was your Monday night???

End Of The Work Week Randoms

• Apparently this year?  I’m making my own cranberry sauce.  Thanks Pserendipity for planting the idea in my feeble little mind! 
• Other items on the menu:  cornish hens, dressing, collard greens, baked mashed potatoes, fake red lobster biscuits, individual sweet potato pies, cheesecake. 
• I’m baking today.  Cooking tomorrow. 
• When you’re hot?  You’re hot!  Apparently I am sizzling.  This older white man that I used to work with saw me in the halls this morning.  He whistled, told me I picked up a little weight in all the right places and that I look damn good.  I’mma start hanging out in the halls when I’m feeling down and need an ego boost.
• I want to see B.urlesque.  Yeah, the movie with C.hristina A.guilera and C.her.  Don’t judge me!
• Yay!  My parents should be back on American soil in the next few hours.  They’ve been halfway around the world – Amsterdam, Egypt, Turkey… they said it was fantastic and I have no doubt that it was.  I’m glad they had a good time but I miss my Mama and I’m ready to talk to her on the regular again.
• Why is my child walking around sounding like a character in a Dickens novel?  Her new word?  Well, contraction?  “Twas.”  “Do you think ’twas cold the first Thanksgiving?”  “I knew ’twas almost time for my bath, so I got my pajamas together.”  Etc., etc.  She is killing me!
• Does anybody like Bit-O-Honey candy?  Smoochy and Lovegirl swear it is the nastiest stuff ever – I love it!

 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends.  Take a few minutes to reflect on the many, many blessings in your life.  God’s grace and mercy are but two of the things for which I am truly thankful this year.  Be blessed!

He Said, She Said. For K. Rock!

He said:  You look damn good to me!  Just saying.

She said:  Um, thanks.  I think.

He said:  Kinda awkward, huh?  I’ve been wanting to tell you that for a while.  But we’ve always been like brother and sister.

She said:  Way awkward.

He said:  I’m sorry.  I just wanted to tell you.  We still cool?

She said:  We’re good.

He said:  Damn.  I’m sorry.  You’re mad.

She said:  I’m not mad.  Just surprised.  Wasn’t expecting that.  From you.

He said:  S***

She said:  We’re good.  Stop tripping.  Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.  We whipped y’alls ass.  But neither one of us is going to the SWAC.

He said:  I know, right?  Who you got?  Alabama or TSU?

She said:  I’mma ride with Alabama on this one.

He said:  You funny!

She said:  Oh yeah.  Hilarious.

Hell, maybe men and women can’t just be friends.

For Jameil!

Monday Morning Randoms

• Saturday Lovegirl and I got up and headed over to the football stadium to partake in the Soul Bowl (JSU v ASU) festivities.  We met Smoochy there and tailgated for a while and then headed into the game where JSU reigned supreme.  Somewhere in there I took my first (and last) jello shot. 
• If you’re ever at a JSU tailgate and a semi-toothless man named “Huckabuck” offers you a shrimp skewer?  Take it.  That thing was the bomb!
• Saturday night one of my friends threw herself a birthday party.  At the skating rink. On the drive there I was on the phone complaining about how tired I was and how much I didn’t want to go.  I had a ball!  I am the same lousy skater that I was when I last put on skates however many years ago, but I did manage not to fall and that was my ultimate goal.
• Sunday while talking to Pserendipity I may or may not have mentioned that Lovegirl was wearing a hooker skirt.  I heard a little voice in P’s background pipe up and say something like “me too.”  Note to self:  stop talking crazy to folks with new cars with fancy dan bluetooth technology!
• Smoochy has lost 42 pounds!!!  Did you hear me?  I said Smoochy lost 42 pounds!!!  I am so excited.  But sad to say that I didn’t even notice.  I wasn’t trying to hurt his feelings, but he has quite a bit to lose and I really couldn’t tell.  I did tell him that I was proud of him and the work that he’s putting in and I will support him however he needs me to.  I’m so happy.
• Are y’all watching RHOA?  Yeah, I know I ask every week.  Those chicks are ca-ra-zy!!  If you’re not watching I really don’t understand why – this has got to be the best thing on television.  Got to be!
• My Klymaxx radio station is jamming.
• I’m thinking about not buying any of the adults in my family a gift and getting someone I know who is having a hard time a gift card instead.  Would you ever do this?  Would your family trip?
• Oh my.  Somebody just sent me a text message from way out in left field.  I am most uncomfortable.  I gotta go.

The Universe is Laughing at Me

Yesterday, I wrote this:  “All I want to do is get in the bed, pull the covers up over my head and pout the day away.”

This morning at about 3:00 I woke up feeling as though something wasn’t quite right.  I looked in the mirror.  My lips have swollen up to about 3x their normal size.  All the better to pout with I suppose. 

Carry on…

Bah Humbug!

This has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas.

I am in a pissy, pissy mood.  I don’t want to be bothered.  With anyone.  By anyone. 

This is somewhat problematic as a) I do not live on a deserted island b) Smoochy and Lovegirl aint trying to hear that c) I work for a living d) I signed up to help a bunch of chirrens pick out and buy books at the bookfair at Lovegirl’s school.  Today.

Aaaaargh!!!

All I want to do is get in the bed, pull the covers up over my head and pout the day away.  Instead, I’ll be arguing the merits of one $3 Scholastic book over another with a little kid who probably didn’t wash his/her hands before they came to the bookfair.

Pray. For. Me.  And my pissy mood.

On other totally non-related, but all B.ravo related notes:  How awesome is RHOA?  I love them broads!  I am not enjoying T.op Chef J.ust Desserts – I don’t like any of the contestants.  None of ‘em.  I am soooo looking forward to T.op C.hef All Stars.  OMG!!!

Another aside:  Sometimes dessert and desert still confuse me.

Dadgumit!

Y’all know I don’t wear dresses.  I had one dress I wore to weddings.  One.  I asked for your help accessorizing it sometime last year.

Well.  I sat in some lipgloss (don’t ask!) and my ONE wedding dress is ruined.

What the heck am I supposed to wear to my next wedding?  Can I wear black? 
Why do I all of a sudden know so many people getting married?  Ugh!  Not ugh for them – I’m happy for them!!!

Help me out fashionistas/fashinistos!!!

Thanks!

It’s All About The Random

• Thank you all for your comments on my previous post.  I wasn’t even sure if I’d publish it, but I’m glad I did.  Thank you for your thoughtful responses.
• I think I’m going to have to cheat on my “buy nothing for myself in November” challenge.  I need a new purse stat.  I bought one a few months ago and it is way too shallow – I can’t even zip the thing up.  I would use an old purse, but yeah, once I’m done with a purse, I’m done.  All my old purses are at Goodwill!
• I spent most of Tuesday being prodded, poked, and smushed by my doc and various machinery.  If you haven’t had your annual yet – what are you waiting for?  Get down on it!
• Whatever happened to Adele?  The singer?  I really liked her and haven’t heard anything by her in a while. 
• There’s a lady in my office (not the Chipmunk) who calls herself mad and not speaking to me.  Newsflash:  she didn’t speak to me anyway.  Come on lady – withholding speech from someone you didn’t speak to anyhow is so not a punishment.
• I usually have MTV or VH1 on in the mornings – I listen to the music as Lovegirl and I get ready to head out.  Well, the short one has been doing more than listening.  This morning, the commercial for the Fl.irty Girl F.itness video came on…guess who’s goal in life is to twirl on a pole “just like that, Mama!”  Um, hell no.  I guess from here out my janky little AM/FM radio will have to get us crunk in the a.m.!
• Smoochy has once again gifted me with a flat of eggs.  I still don’t eat eggs.  Sigh.
• Has anyone read the December issue of E.ssence?  They did a short story on nails/glitter/something.  There’s a picture of a woman’s hands with silver polish on 4 nails and some sort of hologram-y looking thing on her other nail.  Does anyone know what I’m talking about?  If so, what is that hologram thing on her nail?  I think I want one.  If not, carry on…
• If you don’t read Mrs. TDJ’s blog?  You should.  She did a tribute to a person near and dear to her heart.  Hilarious!
• I think I had more randoms, but I’ve got to head out to Lovegirl’s parent/teacher conference.  So, until next time – peace be with you!

Some of My Best Friends Are Black

I don’t know if it’s age, my increased news watching, paranoia or a combination of all three but I think I am officially scared of young black men.

A student at one of the local colleges was kidnapped the other day by four young black men.  They forced her into her car, told her to drive somewhere and told her they were going to rape her.  God’s grace was surely with her – she hit another car to draw attention to herself and the two criminals that were in the car with her grabbed her purse and jumped into another car that the other two criminals were driving.  They then went on a shopping spree with her credit cards at a local mall – where they were caught on surveillance video.  One of the culprits has turned himself in.  He is 16.  Sixteen y’all.  I can’t imagine that his buddies are too much older.  They’re all black.

When I watch the local news?  Nearly all the perpetrators “highlighted” in the most wanted portion of the program are black.

I don’t like going to/being in Jackson after dark.  I hate going to the ATM at any time.  I’m surprised I haven’t hurt Lovegirl rushing and pushing her to get in the car so that I can get the doors locked so we can get to getting.

I used to jump defensive when I heard white people say they were leaving Jackson, wouldn’t dare go to Jackson at night, etc., etc.  I’d be the first to say there’s crime everywhere.  And that remains true.  But if I look at the crime situation with an unbiased eye, I have to admit that most of the crimes committed in the area are committed by young black men.  This saddens and frightens me.

I feel horrible – and slightly guilty – for feeling this way.  I’ve got three brothers, a wondeful father, a host of uncles and cousins, friends who are black, male, and upstanding citizens.  But if I said I didn’t side eye every group of young black men I see, move a little quicker when in certain parts of town, or avoid them altogether?  I’d be lying.

When I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t care if I was having a boy or a girl, really made me not a bit of difference.  But right now, today, I am especially glad to be raising a girl.  I realize that brings its own set of trials, but I just cannot imagine raising a son in these times.

Just putting it out there.  Thoughts?