#Epicfail

Last night, the tornado sirens went off and woke me up.  So, did I do what common sense, experience, and all matter of meterologists would have me do?  Did I immediately take my small child downstairs where we would be safe, avoid windows and stay tuned for more in-depth doppler radar reports?  No sir, no ma’am I did not.

When I woke up to the sounds of the sirens I laid in bed for about 5 minutes trying to figure out what that sound was.  Then I picked up the phone and called Pserendipity to ask her “do you hear that?  What’s that sound?”    I think she hit mute on her television and then confirmed that those were indeed tornado sirens I was hearing.  So then I laid there for another few minutes while thoughts like “ugh, I should get up or something” ran through my mind.  I finally got up and took Lovegirl downstairs and threw lovingly placed her on the couch.  I sat in my chair for a few minutes and then decided that I was not properly dressed for a tornado.  If my roof should be ripped off and I found myself standing in the middle of the street I thought perhaps I should be wearing more than a tank top and my drizzawls.

So I went back upstairs and put on some jeans, a long sleeved tshirt and some socks.  Then I decided that I’d rather have on my UAPB tshirt as opposed to my JSU tshirt.  So I changed shirts.  And went back downstairs where Lovegirl was still knocked out.  I snuggled into my chair and then thought that I should go get my purse in case a tornado jumped off.  I mean, I’d need i.d. and my debit card, right?  So I went back upstairs and got my purse and phone charger (???).  I settled back into my chair and started laughing remembering the time our house caught on fire and my grandma went back inside to get her purse.  Then I called my Mom – the quintessential night owl – so she could keep me company as I waited out the storm.  She was sleep.  She mumbled something about calling me back later to check on us.  Yeah, I’m still waiting for that concerned call.

Anyhoo, after a few episodes of the Golden Girls and more doppler radar information that I knew how to use I decided at about 1:30 a.m. that all was clear and I could get in the bed and get some sleep.  And so I did.  Until 3:30 when my eyes popped open and I watched infomercials until 5.  When I promptly fell asleep.  Only to be awakened at 5:01 by my alarm clock.

And how was your Monday night???

End Of The Work Week Randoms

  • Apparently this year?  I’m making my own cranberry sauce.  Thanks Pserendipity for planting the idea in my feeble little mind! 
  • Other items on the menu:  cornish hens, dressing, collard greens, baked mashed potatoes, fake red lobster biscuits, individual sweet potato pies, cheesecake. 
  • I’m baking today.  Cooking tomorrow. 
  • When you’re hot?  You’re hot!  Apparently I am sizzling.  This older white man that I used to work with saw me in the halls this morning.  He whistled, told me I picked up a little weight in all the right places and that I look damn good.  I’mma start hanging out in the halls when I’m feeling down and need an ego boost.
  • I want to see B.urlesque.  Yeah, the movie with C.hristina A.guilera and C.her.  Don’t judge me!
  • Yay!  My parents should be back on American soil in the next few hours.  They’ve been halfway around the world – Amsterdam, Egypt, Turkey… they said it was fantastic and I have no doubt that it was.  I’m glad they had a good time but I miss my Mama and I’m ready to talk to her on the regular again.
  • Why is my child walking around sounding like a character in a Dickens novel?  Her new word?  Well, contraction?  “Twas.”  “Do you think ’twas cold the first Thanksgiving?”  “I knew ’twas almost time for my bath, so I got my pajamas together.”  Etc., etc.  She is killing me!
  • Does anybody like Bit-O-Honey candy?  Smoochy and Lovegirl swear it is the nastiest stuff ever – I love it!

 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends.  Take a few minutes to reflect on the many, many blessings in your life.  God’s grace and mercy are but two of the things for which I am truly thankful this year.  Be blessed!

He Said, She Said. For K. Rock!

He said:  You look damn good to me!  Just saying.

She said:  Um, thanks.  I think.

He said:  Kinda awkward, huh?  I’ve been wanting to tell you that for a while.  But we’ve always been like brother and sister.

She said:  Way awkward.

He said:  I’m sorry.  I just wanted to tell you.  We still cool?

She said:  We’re good.

He said:  Damn.  I’m sorry.  You’re mad.

She said:  I’m not mad.  Just surprised.  Wasn’t expecting that.  From you.

He said:  S***

She said:  We’re good.  Stop tripping.  Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.  We whipped y’alls ass.  But neither one of us is going to the SWAC.

He said:  I know, right?  Who you got?  Alabama or TSU?

She said:  I’mma ride with Alabama on this one.

He said:  You funny!

She said:  Oh yeah.  Hilarious.

Hell, maybe men and women can’t just be friends.

Monday Morning Randoms

  • Saturday Lovegirl and I got up and headed over to the football stadium to partake in the Soul Bowl (JSU v ASU) festivities.  We met Smoochy there and tailgated for a while and then headed into the game where JSU reigned supreme.  Somewhere in there I took my first (and last) jello shot. 
  • If you’re ever at a JSU tailgate and a semi-toothless man named “Huckabuck” offers you a shrimp skewer?  Take it.  That thing was the bomb!
  • Saturday night one of my friends threw herself a birthday party.  At the skating rink. On the drive there I was on the phone complaining about how tired I was and how much I didn’t want to go.  I had a ball!  I am the same lousy skater that I was when I last put on skates however many years ago, but I did manage not to fall and that was my ultimate goal.
  • Sunday while talking to Pserendipity I may or may not have mentioned that Lovegirl was wearing a hooker skirt.  I heard a little voice in P’s background pipe up and say something like “me too.”  Note to self:  stop talking crazy to folks with new cars with fancy dan bluetooth technology!
  • Smoochy has lost 42 pounds!!!  Did you hear me?  I said Smoochy lost 42 pounds!!!  I am so excited.  But sad to say that I didn’t even notice.  I wasn’t trying to hurt his feelings, but he has quite a bit to lose and I really couldn’t tell.  I did tell him that I was proud of him and the work that he’s putting in and I will support him however he needs me to.  I’m so happy.
  • Are y’all watching RHOA?  Yeah, I know I ask every week.  Those chicks are ca-ra-zy!!  If you’re not watching I really don’t understand why – this has got to be the best thing on television.  Got to be!
  • My Klymaxx radio station is jamming.
  • I’m thinking about not buying any of the adults in my family a gift and getting someone I know who is having a hard time a gift card instead.  Would you ever do this?  Would your family trip?
  • Oh my.  Somebody just sent me a text message from way out in left field.  I am most uncomfortable.  I gotta go.

The Universe is Laughing at Me

Yesterday, I wrote this:  “All I want to do is get in the bed, pull the covers up over my head and pout the day away.”

This morning at about 3:00 I woke up feeling as though something wasn’t quite right.  I looked in the mirror.  My lips have swollen up to about 3x their normal size.  All the better to pout with I suppose. 

Carry on…

Bah Humbug!

This has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas.

I am in a pissy, pissy mood.  I don’t want to be bothered.  With anyone.  By anyone. 

This is somewhat problematic as a) I do not live on a deserted island b) Smoochy and Lovegirl aint trying to hear that c) I work for a living d) I signed up to help a bunch of chirrens pick out and buy books at the bookfair at Lovegirl’s school.  Today.

Aaaaargh!!!

All I want to do is get in the bed, pull the covers up over my head and pout the day away.  Instead, I’ll be arguing the merits of one $3 Scholastic book over another with a little kid who probably didn’t wash his/her hands before they came to the bookfair.

Pray. For. Me.  And my pissy mood.

On other totally non-related, but all B.ravo related notes:  How awesome is RHOA?  I love them broads!  I am not enjoying T.op Chef J.ust Desserts – I don’t like any of the contestants.  None of ‘em.  I am soooo looking forward to T.op C.hef All Stars.  OMG!!!

Another aside:  Sometimes dessert and desert still confuse me.