For years I have been talking about enrolling in a doctoral program. At first I didn’t/couldn’t because LG was too young. Then it was because Smoochy drives for a living and school on top of my other responsibilities would be too much. Then I wasn’t sure that I’d get in.
A few weeks ago (after I put up my inspiration board) I started filling out the application for the program I’m interested in. And just as quickly I abandoned the application process because doubt began rearing its ugly little head once again. “How will I do this?” “What if I don’t get in?” “Is this degree going to do me the good that I hope it will?” “Will the sacrifice be worth it – especially with regards to LG?” On and on the excuses and doubts went until I’d once again resigned myself to not applying.
I was reading my Bible the other day and it hit me like a ton of bricks – all of this doubt? Sin. God knows the desires of my heart and He knows I want in this program. Now, trust me – I know that my desiring something is not an automatic guarantee that it’ll happen, but I realized that allowing all of this negative talk to dictate my actions instead of stepping out on faith and working toward my goals is just wrong. And by not applying I’d pretty much guaranteed that I wouldn’t be accepted.
So, here I am this morning – logging into my undergrad and graduate alma maters, requesting transcripts. This afternoon will be spent finishing the online application and I’ll have my statement of purpose written and submitted by COB Monday.
Now excuse me while I continue to speak (and work) into existence those things that are not as though they are.