Well Alrightie Then

LG is still, for the most part, kinda sorta, a believer. She believes in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and I’d guess the Easter Bunny. Now, I’ve never told her that any of these entities exist. Nor have I told her they don’t exist.

Well.

She’s lost several teeth in the last few weeks. So, last night I the Tooth Fairy had yet another tooth to swipe and money to pay out. (The Tooth Fairy has to keep stack of ones on hand like she patronizes the strip club….)

In addition to her fallen soldier tooth, this is what LG left for the Tooth Fairy:

Envelope addressed to the the elusive Tooth Fairy

Envelope addressed to the the elusive Tooth Fairy

Demand

“If your (sp) REAL follow these steps: 1. sign here in cursive 2. give me powers 3. when I race I’ll be as fast as lightning. Powers on sheet 2.”

1. invisibility 2. super strenghth (sp) 3. flying 4. freeze/heat breath P.S. Sign in Perfect cursive

1. invisibility
2. super strenghth (sp)
3. flying
4. freeze/heat breath
P.S. Sign in Perfect cursive

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So yeah, my kid is basically demanding that the Tooth Fairy prove her existence with perfect handwriting and sharing of super powers….

WWYD – Chirren & Money

So. LG wants to buy Minecraft – some video game – for her Kindle. Well, I’m opposed. Because it’s $27. But then I realized that I need to let her spend her money as she sees fit. Or do I?

She’s got about $90 tucked away in her piggy bank. What I’ve been thinking is I’ll take $45 and put it in her savings account, leaving her $45 to spend as she sees fit, whether I agree with her choice or not.

Thoughts? Suggestions? How do/did you handle similar situations with your child(ren)? If you don’t have a kiddo, how do you think you’d handle it?

(Edit: the game she’s looking at is for a PC or gaming system, not her Kindle. She already has Minecraft Pocket which is for iPods & tablets. She still wants the full $27 version)

Five on Friday

  • I cancelled my debit card yesterday. Y’all already know I have been all up and in Tarjhay so I figure the thieves have my info. All the news reports say monitor your account, notify your bank, etc., etc., Uh. How about I just cancel my card so whatever info they stole is now null and void. I need to protect my twenty-fives and twenty-fives of dollars!
  • What’re y’all having for Christmas dinner? I don’t want Thanksgiving part 2, but can’t think of anything else to prepare. I thought about doing Mexican food, but would like to make it to 15 years of marriage, so that’s out!
  • I don’t think we had named subdivisions growing up. As a matter of fact, I’m sure we didn’t. Everything here is a subdivision. People tell me they live in such and such – I have no idea where they’re talking about. I called my own subdivision by the wrong name for almost a year.
  • LG has a sleepover tonight. I have wasted plenty of opportunities to throw away more of her stuff. But tonight? It’s on. I really need to get my house together and I feel like the shortest person in the house has accumulated more stuff than is necessary. Adios clutter!
  • Speaking of LG, she found the skateboard I bought her for Christmas. She was in the trunk of my car looking for a Sharpie she thought she’d seen back there. She was terrified I’d be mad. I wasn’t. The child acts like she’s being raised by Mommy Dearest. She so is not!

Anyhoo, that’s all I got. Have yourself a marvelous weekend and if I’m not back in this space before then – Merry Christmas!

-_-

Saturday morning LG and I went to the grocery store good and early. I wanted to get in, get out, and hunker down in my toasty warm house the rest of the weekend.

Now. I am not a big purse carrier. I carry a crossbody bag at the most and just keys and a card or two at the least. Saturday I had my crossbody on with my puffy jacket over it. This is important…

LG and I are standing looking at something when she scoots closer to me and whispers something. I don’t hear her, so I ask her to repeat herself.

LG: Mama. Why are you standing like that?

Me:  Standing like what? What are you talking about?

LG: You know, with your nuts poking out like that.

Me:  WHAT?!?!?!?

LG: When you stand like that your nuts poke out.

Me:  Dear God.

Me:  LG. First of all, I don’t have nuts.  Girls and women don’t have nuts. Boys and men do. But wait! Don’t call them nuts. They’re called testicles. And that’s my purse poking out from my jacket, not my alleged nuts. Why are we having this conversation? God help me. Who have you been talking to about nuts? I mean testicles? Do you know that’s not considered polite conversation? You can get in trouble for saying that. Lord. I’m rambling….

LG: My bad.

No ma’am!

I try my best to be patient, loving, and kind in parenting LG.

But.

It’s like she googled “what would really annoy my mama” and has been doing her best to make me snap.

What’s she doing you ask? Mumbling. I.Cannot.Stand.It! Open your mouth and say what you have to say little girl! This mumbling stuff in my general direction is not the business!

Is there one thing that your child/SO/whoever does that sets your teeth on edge? Do tell!

Mama’s Baby

On Sunday morning, LG got in the bed with me and started crying her little eyes out. When I asked her what was wrong she told me that her life was pretty much perfect and she didn’t want to grow up and have things change.

Oh y’all. I wanted to curl up next to her and bawl my eyes out. She talked about how much she loves us, how she loves pinching my cute cheeks, how she loves curling up in her daddy’s lap and how she doesn’t think anybody will ever love her more than we do.

I told her that we do indeed love her more than anything in this world and we would always love her with our whole hearts no matter how old we are or she is or where we are – in the same room or halfway around the world.

She stopped crying, patted me on my cheek and told me thank you, but she knew it wouldn’t be the same when she was grown.

Oh my sweet girl. My heart.

Forty Wonderful!

So since last we spoke…

  • I turned 41! Can you believe it? Okay, you probably can, but I can’t. 41? Time really does zoom on by. So blessed to see another year!
  • LG has informed me that we need to spend MORE time together. More y’all! We are nearly joined at the hip now, but I love my girl so now? I wake her up at 5:45 instead of 6:05 so we can spend 20 minutes cuddling and discussing what’s happened in our lives since her 8:00 bedtime the night before  -_-
  • I’m down 5 pounds with my clean eating/increased exercise routine. Happy about it. Another 10 pounds and then I’ll be revisiting the whole “how to eat a few treats every now again without gaining the weight back” issue.
  • I have tailgated all across the south. And by “all across” I mean Baton Rouge and Itta Bena :) Of course we tailgate at JSU home games, but this season we’ve taken it on the road as well. Had a ball at Southern and MS Valley. We are truly making memories!
  • I have been wonderfully blessed by Disco Diva! One day on the twitter, I mentioned that I was going to ask for a stand mixer for Christmas. Do you know she told me she had one she never used and boxed that bad boy up and sent it to me? I am so very, very grateful. Ms. Mixtress posted the other day about folks saying it’s “just the internet,” but I wholeheartedly agree with her – the folks I have met and “met” via blogging and Twitter are simply awesome and I’m thankful for each of you.
  • And now? Pictures. Behold:

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My purty new stand mixer! Making a cake next weekend to break this bad boy in :)

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I know I posted this on the Twitter, but this bar/lounge that some enterprising folks at Mississippi Valley set up at the tailgate just tickles me to no end! I should be so smart.

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Deep fried koolaid from the fair. LG requested it and then declared it “gross.” I didn’t think it was gross, but it certainly wasn’t delicious!

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This kid cracks me up. Especially when she’s wearing light up shades and dancing around my room.

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LG and H after the 3rd grade play. I wish they weren’t so shy…

 

Y’all have a great weekend! We’re supposed to tailgate for JSU’s Homecoming, but since Grambling players are on strike and not coming to play, I’m not real sure how that’s gonna play out!

WWYD – Metro’s Most Wanted

I believe I’ve previously shared that we are the only black people on our block. Usually. Every once in a while the rental house across the street is occupied by a black family, as is currently the case.

Last night LG and I were returning home from Bible Study and as we turned the corner and pulled into our garage, LG tells me that our neighbor looks suspicious. I ask her who she’s talking about.

LG:  The man that’s always standing outside. He hangs out too much.

NG:  Well honey, that’s where he lives and if he wants to be outside, he certainly can be.  Why do you think he looks suspicious?

LG:  Well, he looks like one of the Metro’s Most Wanted.

NG:  Huh?

LG:  You know on the news when they show the criminals? He looks like one of them.

NG:  Um, how does he look like one of them?

LG:  Well, he’s black, he wears a cap, and he’s always outside. He looks like he’d run up to the car, make us get out, hit us on the head and take all our stuff.

NG:  So…do you think he’d look suspicious if he was white, wore a cap and was always outside?

LG:  No ma’am.

Well damn. What am I supposed to do to counteract that? I told her, of course, that she can’t/shouldn’t think that all black men in hats who hang around outside are criminals. That a number of men she knows and loves are hat wearing, outside going black men – her father, her grandfathers, her uncles, cousins, friends’ fathers, etc., etc. – and they’re not criminals.

So if you were faced with this situation, what would you do? Have you dealt with anything similar? What else do you think I should tell her? I don’t want to beat her over the head with this, but I surely cannot have her walking around with this notion in her head! Sometimes I can’t help but feel that by moving to a county where whites are the overwhelming majority we have done our girl a disservice.

 

 

This Right Here? May Be the Death of Me.

Okay, math is not my favorite subject. Never has been. But I figured I could at least hold LG down until 6th grade . 7th if they don’t start with that x-axis/y-axis foolishness. Anyhoo.

Last night LG asks me to help her with her math ’cause she’s not understanding it. They’re working on double digit subtraction. I got this! Except I don’t. Because of course, the way we learned to subtract way back in the last century? Not good enough for these children of the new millennium.

I have worked with LG (A little. Please remember, I hate math. Though I am trying not to pass that hatred on to her) on basic mathematics functions. And I taught her the way I’d been taught. I should’ve known better.

Exhibit A

Old School

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Exhibit B

New School

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seriously?!?!?!?!?!

This Is The Part No One Tells You About

Just when I think I’ll have nothing to discuss with y’all on a lovely Monday morning my child comes through for me. And when she comes through? She comes through!

Being the responsible, electronics savvy parent that I am, when I gave LG my old iPod I set it up to where she cannot buy/download any apps, music, etc. without me entering my password ’cause that’s what good parents do, right? Riiiight.

So Saturday afternoon LG comes bouncing into my room and asks me if she can buy an episode of a TV show. I tell her we need to check her iTunes balance and if she has enough money, she sure can. We check her balance, she’s got $5, the episode costs $2.99. I confirm that’s really how she wants to spend her money and I get ready to enter my password.

Except that I accidentally hit a button which takes me back to a search page in the app store. And in that little space where you type in what you want to search for – I guess technically it’s called the search bar -  I see this:  g a y s e x.

Let that marinate for a minute. Your minute is probably going to be more pleasant than mine was ’cause I’m pretty damn sure I stopped breathing during the moment I took to gather myself.

So I say…”so, er, ah, LG, about this in your search bar…uh, er, what’s that all about?”

She says: “Oh, I think that’s just something I searched for when I was like 3 or 4.”

I say: “Yeah…except you didn’t have this iPod when you were 3 or 4, so I’m pretty sure you’re not telling the truth.”

She says: “Oh, well, I may have looked for it when I was 8.”

I say:  “You’re 8 now LG.”

She says: “Oh, well then that’s probably something I just searched for.”

Hot damn.

Me:  “Why were you searching for g a y s e x?”

Her: “Some kids at school were talking about it, and I didn’t know what it was, so I was researching it like you tell me to do when I want to know more about something.”

Jesu Christo I need a drank!

Me: “Well, okay. But if you have any questions about s e x – of any kind – you need to ask me or Daddy. Those kids at school don’t know what they’re talking about and that’s not the kind of thing you want to learn from the internet or an app. So you need to talk to us. Okay?”

Her: “Yeah, okay. Do you want me to ask my questions now or when I’m a little older?”

Where’s my damn drink? Didn’t I say I needed a drink?!?!?!

Me: “You should ask questions whenever you have them. Do you have any questions now?”

Her: “No ma’am. I’m good. But if I think of some I’ll ask you. Thanks!”

And off she skips down the hall to watch an episode of some damn D.isney show while I need a drink, prayer, and a sabbatical.

This is the part no one tells you about when it comes to parenting! Oh sure, lots of advice about which bottle to use (Avent), how to burp a baby (small circles with a little pressure), and where to send them to preschool (God’s best little Christian school) but no one ever told me one damn thing about talking to an 8 year old about g a y s e x.

Jerks!

…and if there’s any part of you that wants to say “hey Nerd Girl, technically y’all didn’t talk about g a y s e x…” don’t. Mmmkay?