It Scared Me. But I Did It Anyhow.

Oh, so I’m just gonna pop back in here and blog like it’s not been a while? Sure am.

Recently returned from a cruise with LG (who started 5th grade last week. 5th! My girl is growing up!), my parents, my SIL, niece, nephew, and three cousins. That’s right, ten of us set sail from NOLA to Roatan, Belize, and Cozumel. 7 days on the high seas. And we had a ball.

Now. You may – or may not – remember that swimming is not my thing. I grew up with a pool in my backyard, but I still never managed to conquer my fear of drowning and become a proficient swimmer. I’ve taken a couple of swimming lessons, so I can swim on my back, I can swim underwater as long as I can hold my breath, but an Olympian I’ll never be. But. I wanted to snorkel at least once on this trip. I know you don’t have to be able to swim to snorkel, but I figured I’d better go ahead and get back in the water. So I signed myself up for another round of swim lessons. And actually made great progress according to my teacher. Apparently I can swim. I just need to believe that I can swim.

Anyhoo, we decided to snorkel in Belize. My parents told me that you just wade out from the shore, put your mask on, stick your face in the water and ooh and aah at all of the sights. Except when you don’t. We booked an excursion and found ourselves motoring out into the Caribbean. I thought we were going to an island. Wrong. So wrong. When we got out in the middle of…nowhere, the captain threw down the anchor and said “everybody off!” Uh. What? Why are we in the middle of this huge expanse of water? Where are we gonna snorkel? Apparently, right there, right then.

Y’all. I was petrified. But I’m also cheap. And I figured since I’d paid $74.99 for me and $54.99 for LG to partake in this, into the sea I would jump. So I did. And I was more scared than a little bit. But once I calmed down, stopped panting (uh, your head is above water girl AND you’re wearing a mask that makes it possible to breathe out of your mouth), and whispered up a quick prayer? I had a ball. I went for it, stuck my head in the water, marveled at the sea life, and could not get over the fact that I was bobbing around in the middle of the sea, with 8 of my family members (one cousin chickened out), having a darn good time.

I held a conch, a sea cucumber, saw lots of beautiful fish, marveled at the beauty and vastness of the sea, and got “stuck” over a huge portion of the coral reef. But instead of panicking, I just rode the wave (literally) and eventually was able to paddle back to my group. It was an awesome experience and I am ever so glad that I didn’t listen to fear and chose instead, to experience something new.

I hope that if fear is holding you back from doing something you really want to do, you will choose to take a deep breath and jump in feet first instead of standing on the shore paralyzed with self doubt.

Happy Monday! Have a blessed week.

And just because this is the ONLY picture I have from the entire experience, here’s my kid, bobbing around in the sea having the time of her ten year old life :)

Year End Ramblings

Hey y’all. It’s been quite a 2014. Some good, some bad. I guess in some ways that means it is exactly like every year that has passed and every year that is yet to come.

My first semester of my doctoral program is under my belt, praise God! I ended the semester with 3 As. That A in Biostatistics? Nothing but grace. I had an 88. I guess the instructor felt bad for my struggling self and gifted me those two extra points. I will be auditing a Biostats class probably every semester until I take my comps – I am self aware enough to know that without notes and a book in front of me, there’s no way I could pass comps with my current “knowledge” of the subject. Anyhoo, semester 2 is next on deck. I did pretty well not procrastinating this semester, but there’s always room for improvement. Taking 2 classes and a lab again next semester. Next year I will start taking a minimum of 9 hours a semester. I refuse to be in this program until I’m 50!

Still in shock over the death of my father-in-law in November. I keep waiting for his smiling face to peer around the corner and offer me a piece of candy and a hello in his Central Mississippi drawl. Sigh. I was blessed with a great MIL and FIL and I miss each of them on a regular basis. Smoochy is doing well, LG continues to be weepy, but really when your Paw Paw is gone that’s to be expected. It’s weird for me not having a parent right around the corner who would do anything for me that he could. Have mercy.

We hosted Christmas day festivities – something that is sooo far outside of my comfort level that it’s not even funny. But I think that everyone – my SIL, her family, an aunt and her family, an uncle and his, and two sets of family friends – had a good time. Smoochy had someone cook dinner for us and had the house professionally cleaned so I really had to do was bake a few cakes, make some punch, and stay awake. I’ll let you guess which of those tasks was hardest for me….

Speaking of having the house professionally cleaned? Yeah – adding that to the budget for sure! Y’all I have fallen in love with our house all over again since it’s all sparkly clean and smelling good. We don’t need someone on a weekly, or even biweekly basis. But someone coming in once a month or so, dusting the place really well, hitting those baseboards and cleaning all the windows? Sign me up! Glorious I tell ya!

Went to see Annie with LG and her friend yesterday. And don’t y’all tell anyone as it would ruin my rep as a musical hater, but I actually enjoyed it! Who knew?!?

Anyhoo, I know that everyone has stopped blogging for the most part, but I’ve missed it, I’ve missed y’all and I’m pretty sure that 2015 will have me back in this spot on a regular basis.

Be well!

Hola! Que paso?

I miss blogging. So I decided to blog.

Randoms. Of course :)

  • I turned 42 yesterday! I’m not really sure how that happened since I was just 26, but apparently time? She marches on. I don’t think I’ll ever be one of those people who refuses to share their age. I’m 42 and glad about it. Every day, every year is a blessing.
  • I thought my day was going to be full of work and school. But. I left work early and took myself to the movies – saw “This is Where I Leave You.” Pretty good. Reminded me a lot of my family dynamic. Then I ran home to see Smoochy and LG before I went to class. They sang, gave me a delicious assortment of mini bundt cakes (who even knew this was a thing???), I opened my presents and then I jetted off to class. Only to learn class had been cancelled. Which means I got to go see The Spinners at the state fair. Y’all! I love The Spinners. I’m not entirely sure who those 5 dudes in bright yellow suits were, but they sounded good and LG and I had a ball. And The Spinners have a new fan. Who happens to be 10. I’m pretty sure LG and I were the youngest people in attendance, but whatev!
  • I’m slowly getting back into the groove of being in school. Seems more difficult this time around for whatever reason. But I’ll get there!
  • So. I know this girl, okay, grown woman. We go to church together and have people in common. She’s mentioned hanging out a few times. So another friend and I went to lunch with her. She stayed tapping on her phone the whole time. Alrightie. Then we invited her to a concert. She stayed tapping on her phone the whole time. And then went home and told her husband that my friends and I were a bunch of wild women. Um. Yeah. No. Then she invites us (really our children) to her son’s birthday party – but tells us that she’s only paying for the 4 little boys who are coming from his class – we’d have to pay for our girls. Lady. This right here? Just may be the reason you don’t have any friends. My friend wants to fight this girl. I just want to tell her that she’s got some odd behaviors that are likely standing in the way of her developing the type of friendships that she says she desires. Did I mention that when she sees my other friend at work – they’re both in education – she doesn’t even speak because she “keeps her professional and personal lives separate.” Good luck sister. Oh. I typed all that because I’d like to know what you think – tell her about her…idiosyncrasies and the fact that they’re holding her back, or just let her be and hope she finds a friend or two who will put up with her? I think she’s decent. But confused.
  • I just realized I’ve been listening to Tevin Campbell’s “Round and Round” for a good half hour. Apparently I hit “repeat song” when I mean to hit “shuffle songs.” I wonder why that dude’s career didn’t take off…
  • Since I last wrote my little kiddo celebrated her 10th birthday! I cannot believe I’ve been her mom for a whole decade now. She is still the funniest kid I know (yep, I’m biased) and every day brings a new adventure and/or issue. Right now? We’re up to our necks in training bras and discussions on why I won’t let her shave her legs. Go sit down somewhere little girl!
  • I have three brothers. One doesn’t talk to the family as a whole. One is mad at me and our conversations as of late have consisted of monosyllabic grunts – on his part. The other one and I are still cool. I’ve been praying a lot for restored relationships.

I guess that’s it for now. How’s everything with you? Life good?


I wrote this post on August 29, 2006

So, last year, on August 28 – it was a Sunday evening I believe – I was watching the news and heard about this storm that was supposed to hit the Gulf Coast on the 29th. Katrina.

Well, I didn’t pay much attention until the newscaster said that perhaps we in the Jackson metro area would lose power for a couple of hours (we’re about 3.5 hours north of the coast). I’d just put Lovegirl in the bed and I decided to run to the store (W_l*Mart) to get Lovegirl some formula. She was 11 months old and I’d just weaned her and was new to keeping the right amount of formula in the house. Anyhoo, all we had was the liquid stuff (has to be refrigerated) and I decided I’d get some powder so that if the power went out my child would have something to drink.

So I went downstairs and mentioned to Smoochy that I was going to run to the store – did he need anything? He didn’t, so off I went. Well, to my surprise, there was no freaking formula on the shelves. I (stupidly) thought it was just because it was a weekend night and the stockers hadn’t re-stocked the shelves. So I bought a few more bottles of the liquid stuff, figuring at least she’d have something for the few hours we might be powerless. I also decided to pick up some more water, a few snacks and a couple of flashlights. I noticed – but somehow still kind of ignored – that there were a lot of folks in the store picking up the same type items.

I finally got checked out and decided to buy gas – I was on a 1/2 tank, and I generally fill up when I get to that point. Gas station #1 – no gas. Gas station #2 – no gas. Gas station #3 – we have a winner. I filled up and headed home. I had no idea what we were in for – as a family, as a state, as a nation.

Monday morning, I got up and went to work. Of course, no one was working. Everyone had a television or radio on and was monitoring the storm. I called my Mom in California and my brother in Houston and told them some kind of big storm was coming, and that I would be in touch. That I’d decided to go home at 11:30 regardless of whether or not we were “officially” released from work. At around 11:15, they told us all to go home and to check the internet in the morning to determine whether or not we needed to report to work. School was canceled Sunday night, so Smoochy and Lovegirl were already home chilling. I stopped by a restaurant and picked up something to eat because I’d finally (kind of) figured out that something was going on and it might be our last hot meal for a while. As soon as I got home, the skies opened up.

It rained. And rained. And rained. And the wind blew. And the tree limbs swayed. And I, who grew up in California and have always been fascinated by storms, stayed up very late watching the amazing storm that Katrina was. It was hypnotically beautiful. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that much water come out of the sky in such a period of time. I prayed that the trees would stand the storm and that we wouldn’t end up with a hole in our roof. I think the lights had gone out at around 5 that evening. We decided to camp downstairs. It was August in Mississippi after all, and we had no power – no air.

When we got up on Tuesday morning, we surveyed the damage and were happy to discover that we really didn’t have any. There were a few trees down in the neighborhood, but on our little circle, everyone had fared relatively well. We could hear the chainsaws and smell the gasoline but that was it. Smoochy remarked that he was surprised that we still didn’t have any power.

Around noon I finally decided to sit in the car and listen to the radio. Most stations were off the air, but our NPR affiliate somehow had power and was broadcasting. We wouldn’t have power for days. Emergency workers were tapped. The storm had been devastating on the Gulf Coast and in New Orleans. People were being urged to take care of their neighbors, to pool resources. Keep in mind, we had no power. While the rest of the country was watching the devastation occurring in New Orleans, we just knew that we were without electricity. We had no idea the scope of things.

I’d been trying to call my family in California and Texas all day, but no phone lines were working, and I couldn’t get a line out. I finally got through late that night using Smoochy’s phone and my Mom’s voice was cracking and she said she was just glad to hear from me. I told her that we were fine. She said she thought she’d call some family friends in Lake Village, AR to see if we could stay with them if we needed to. I was like, whatever, we’ll be fine. Smoochy decided later on that evening that Lovegirl and I would indeed drive to AR and stay there in comfort until the power came back on. He didn’t want us there. Among rumors of looting, lawlessness, and extended power outages.

We left our home – very much against my will – on Wednesday morning and got to Lake Village 3 hours later. When I turned on the television, I was sick.

Mothers, babies, grown men. Begging, crying, pleading. Bodies floating. I really couldn’t watch it. I just held Lovegirl and cried. Cried to God, thanking him that it wasn’t us. That we’d just been a little inconvenienced. Cried to God for those who it was. I could not imagine being stranded – in a house, on a rooftop, on a freeway overpass – with my child, my baby. I thought my heart would break in two. After the first few hours in AR, I didn’t turn the TV on again until Saturday when Smoochy called and told us we could come back home – we had electricity again.

We were – and are – blessed. All we lost were a few days together. A couple hundred dollars worth of groceries. A few hours out of our lives because of the gasoline shortage.

As the day of Katrina’s anniversary neared and every news program began to air their specials, I started thinking about Katrina’s profound effect on people’s lives. I cried again. It still hurts. And we didn’t lose anything really. Some people’s lives will never resemble what they were 366 days ago. Never. And in a country this wealth, this resourceful, this great – politics aside – that is a damn shame.

I remember. I remember the panic I felt when I couldn’t get a phone line out to talk to my loved ones. I remember Lovegirl’s innocence and the innocence so many children lost that day. I remember worshiping in the “white” church around the corner for the first time (and being nervous about it) because I was scared to drive across town to the church I usually attend because I didn’t know when we’d have gasoline again. I remember this metro area coming together to help people who had nothing. I remember kindness. I remember smiles. I remember thinking that God is always, always in control, no matter how bad things are. I remember an evacuee in church in clothes that clearly were not his own smiling and being thankful that he had his life and his family had theirs. I remember GB telling Brownie that he was doing a great job. I remember the joy I felt when a former coworker finally responded to my email and let me know that she and her husband and two babies were okay – they’d just relocated to NO.

So today, if only for a moment or two, remember the devastation that occurred. The people’s whose lives were changed forever. The people who lost their lives. Take a look around you. Be thankful for what you have. For who you love. Remember and help take care of those who cannot, for whatever reason, take care of themselves.


Closed Mouths Don’t Get Fed. Ask For What You Need. You Have Not Because You Ask Not.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I don’t like to ask for help. From anyone. I will run around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to figure out how to do something on my own before I’ll ask for help. I don’t know why I’m this way, but I am.

I will offer to help someone in a heartbeat. Well, generally. And if someone offers to help me, I will surely accept. But it is rare that I open my mouth and say “will you please help me?”

Y’all know I’m starting school on Monday right? Right. I’ll be in class two nights a week from 5:30 – 8:30 p.m. Let’s not even talk about how I like to go to bed at 8:00. Anyhoo. I’d decided I was going to pick LG up from school at 2:00 on those days, take her home, get her homework done, get her fed, run her to the sitter, sit in class for 3 hours, pick her up from the sitter, run home, get her showered and in the bed, study my notes, and fall asleep.

Then I had this genius-level epiphany: tell Smoochy you need help.

Now. I love my husband, and he’s an all around good fella. But I have to tell him what I need. He’s not all that intuitive, and really, he shouldn’t have to read my mind.

So I tell Smoochy “look. I know you love driving that truck. You enjoy not having a “boss.” You like your schedule, and I get that. But I’m getting ready to go back to school and I cannot do this I do not want to do this by myself. I’m going to need your help.”

And do you know what he said? “Okay.”

He has started filling out applications for trucking companies that advertise as having their drivers home each night. He told his current supervisor that he needs a change in his schedule and that if they couldn’t work something out there, he was going to have to move on. That he wants to stay with them, but he needs to be more involved at home.



I am feeling so relieved right about now. It may take a minute for Smoochy’s schedule to be the way that’ll work out best for us, but I am so thankful that he listened to what I was saying, agreed, and is making some moves. I am so glad I didn’t try to be Superwoman this go ’round.

I am definitely going to be less hesitant about asking for help when I need it from here out.

Now. Who wants to do my Biostatistics work for me? Anyone? Anyone?


  • Ferguson, MO. My heart hurts that we are STILL fighting this battle. That we are STILL being killed like dogs in the streets by police officers and then blamed for our own deaths. I am filled with rage. Yep, rage. And I’m tired of folks and their “respectability politics.” Wearing a suit, getting one degree or five of them does not, in a racist’s mind, mean one damn thing. They will gun your degree holding, suit wearing self down in a heartbeat. Ask Dr. King. Or Malcolm X.
  • Okay, woosah, what else…
  • LG started school a few weeks ago. My goals for her this year: establish a schedule/routine for her and stick to it. I am the worst with follow through, but am working hard on resolving this. So far, so good. Come home, do your homework, eat dinner, sweep, tidy up and then, if there’s time, you can chill/watch TV until bed time. She doesn’t like it, but oh well. Mama’s gotta do what Mama’s gotta do!
  • I start school next week. My nerves are somewhat settled and I’m just praying for a great semester in which I do not procrastinate and drive myself crazy. Okay, crazier.
  • I thought I was going to take one class and kind of ease myself back into the whole school thing. Nerp. Apparently receiving financial aid means I’ve got to take a minimum of 6 hours a semester. So much for the whole gentle transition. This semester I’m taking two classes: Disease Pathogenesis & Risk Factors and Environmental & Occupational Health. One lady – with whom I attend church – is taking four classes and working full time. She must be crazy!
  • Speaking of financial aid – those folks offered me a WHOLE lot more money than I will need for the year. I see how this madness works. Not falling for the okey doke. Just loan me enough for tuition. Though we do need some work done around the house…I kid, I kid. Not really. Okay, really.
  • Went to the Jackson R&B Festival this past weekend. Saw Boney James, Estelle and Ziggy Marley on Friday night. Two of them were awesome. Estelle, was not. Saturday I saw Chrissette Michelle, BBD & Fantasia. Two of them were so good and so much fun. I’m still not a Fantasia fan. Oh well. It was supposed to be girl’s night out, but one girl was absolutely terrified to walk through the gates by herself so she brought her husband. Sigh.
  • I also drank some spiked iced tea and fell asleep. Outside. Surrounded by thousands of strangers. While Fantasia was on stage hollering. #ridiculous
  • I ended up sitting next to an older gentleman on Saturday. He kept calling me “young blood” and told me “they” told him to contact me. Uh…

I guess that’s it. I started this on Monday. I feel like I’m leaving a lot of stuff out. Maybe next time. Be well!


That’s all I’ve got today. A simple question with no simple answers.


I used to not watch the news. Ever. It was so depressing and weighed too heavily on my spirit. But somehow, the news, particularly in the morning, has crept back into my life.

And every day it’s the same damn thing.

Murders. Drive by shootings. Rapes. Robberies. Neglected children.

And the perpetrators always seem to be one of us. Black.

Now. The black men, the black people, I know are good. We are educated. We are well traveled. We love our lives. We don’t commit crimes. We go to work. We love our mamas and our daddies. We love and raise our children as right as we know how. We tail gate. We hold it down at home. Even the ones who are trife are just trife-light. Late on child support, drink a little too much, can’t keep a job – but still good folks at their core.

But I’ve got to wonder what is going on in our community that we just seem to be wilding out every day, in every way possible.

Why are these kids killing each other? Why are they killing the elderly? There was a woman here – 67 years old – who was found beated, raped, stabbed, strangled AND shot. My God. A woman was held at gunpoint and raped by three men in broad daylight at a gas station. No one responded to her when she cried out for help. No one.

Is it Godlessness? Is it babies having babies? Is it absent fathers? All of this? None of this? Don’t other races experience these situations as well? Why aren’t they acting a fool all over our cities and states?

I’ll give you a small bit of media bias, but that can’t be all of it.

Why? What are the solutions? What are your thoughts on this?