I was seriously considering not buying Lovegirl anything for Christmas. She doesn’t play with the toys she has now. Like most other kids her age, she prefers the box, the wrapping paper, the mixing bowls and spoons in the kitchen. She won’t remember right? Am I guaranteeing a therapist bill for her later in life by not buying her Christmas goodies now???
And today, it’s all good. A lovely day if you will. I don’t know if you read my last post where I was whining (rambling) about my boss, but after I did all that I decided to just let it go. “Blow that shit out” as a good friend of mine is prone to say. Do my best and forget the rest (thank you Rev. Run for that one).
Life is too good and too short for me to sit around whining and complaining about things – mostly people – that I cannot change. So, I have decided to just be me. Sure, I can continue to work on myself – I don’t think we should ever get complacent and totally satisfied with ourselves – it prohibits growth. But, on the other hand, I can’t run around and totally rearrange myself to satisfy another. So, I’ll work harder, turn in more paper, generate more paper, and I’ll do it all with a smirk on my face. Hopefully she’ll interpret that smirk as a smile. No more work rants. Too energy-draining. And really, who cares?
We’re getting ready to head to Cali for the Christmas holidays! Hootie-hoo! I love working in education this time of year. We’ll be gone for two whole weeks, and I cannot wait! Sunshine, fish tacos, the Farmer’s Market, my grandma, my folks, no real housework, mountains, smog — they’re all waiting for me and I am ready. We leave next Sunday. I’m not packed. Believe me, this is a true departure from my usual self I am usually packed with a completed packing list on my nightstand and one in my carry-on to make sure I don’t forget anything on the return trip. Yeah, its like that.
I wish you all a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hannukah, and a Happy Kwanzaa! Peace. Really. Let’s all try to be a bit more peaceful next year. In our homes, on our jobs, in the community. Just imagine the results. Holla!
(Mother if you read this – I apologize for the profanity! Oops.)
I will try to remain composed. I cannot stand my boss. Really. Today I got my evaluation. 2.4 out of 5. That’s an F in case the letter scale works better for ya. I just don’t know what I can do about this situation. I run all around the state, talking to students, talking to teachers, talking to parents. And still, for her – not enough!
The woman has now outlined a filing system that I am to use to file MY paperwork. Not office-wide stuff, but my stuff. I don’t work in a doctor’s office or a college admissions office. I have a “normal” filing system as it pertains to my stuff – type a label, stick it on a folder, stick folder in drawer. When someone asks for it, go to said drawer, and pull it out.
No! She’s a notebook person and now dictates that I become a notebook person because in her eyes it works better. I know you’re probably reading this and wondering why I’m b*$tching about a filing system, and I know in the grand scheme of things this is minute, but this is just built up frustration, so bear with me, or come back tomorrow – I’m sure I’ll have a happier post up soon.
She is my boss. I try to do a good job. Not for her, but for me. For my self-pride, for my family, for my God. Nothing and I mean nothing is good enough for her. I think she’s going to fire me.
Have I mentioned that we used to have twice as many people on staff? Yeah. We are now a staff of 4. With 8500 students to serve. I do all the college fairs, all the in-class presentations, all the parent nights. And monitor 16 schools. And monitor tutoring. And promote an online tutorial program. Shall I go on?
I am tired. I haven’t been successful in my attempts to find another job. I must work.
I really feel as though this is a spritual test. And that I’m failing. I know I’m not supposed to look to man for help and I am. I’m looking to the man for my check. Worried that if I don’t have a check things will fall apart and be irreparably damaged. I know I’m supposed to turn this over and leave it alone. When I finish this email, that will be it. No more gripping about her, this job, this situation. I have got to let go and let God.
I have probably just written the most rambling entry ever. I’m not even going to go back and proof it. If you’re still here – cool. Say a prayer for me. I need it. Thanks.