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Hips Don’t Lie!


I know you’ve been waiting with bated breath to hear about my hips. So, as promised in my previous entry, here goes.

I have always had hips. Always. No chest. No rear. But I’ve always had a nice little hippy curve about myself. Until. Last week. I was looking in the mirror and noticed a little something missing. My hips are gone! I asked my mom, hoping that I was just being paranoid, but she confirmed that my hips are indeed MIA. Now, I only recently came to realize that what I’ve been calling my “hips” are regarded as “saddlebags” by those in the fitness industry. But, really, I didn’t care what they were calling them, they were mine, they gave me some shape and I loved them. I was proud to have inherited my “Dennises” from all my female relatives on my dad’s side. (See, I had a pet name for them and everything.)

You may or may not recall that I’ve been working out on the regular since last December or so. I wanted to get rid of the post-baby flab and tone up a bit. You know – no more chicken wing waddle in my upper arms, thighs that don’t make my legs look like giant brown drumsticks, that kind of thing. Well . . . I still have jiggly arms, and my inner thighs still don’t meet my specs. But my outer thigh? My hips? My saddlebags? GONE. I have somehow, totally unintentionally, exercised away the best part of my body.

And I WANT THEM BACK! It was never my intention to exercise away the one part of my body that made me feel womanly. When Genuwine sang “in those jeans,” I just KNEW he was singing to me (as long as I didn’t turn around anyhow). I’ve realized that this is not something that I can share with everyone (it took a few dirty looks from more than one coworker for me to come to this realization). But, my dear, dear internet blogging friends – I’m serious. I loved my hips. I needed my hips. I looked good in my hips.

So, if you happen to see my hips will you please tell them – like my parents told me – that they can always come home? And they will be received with loving arms.

Please bow your heads in a moment of silent reflection.

Now, everyone on the count of three, please join me in today’s meditational hymn – for the sake of brevity, we’ll only sing the chorus:

“Looking good plenty time
Tell me is there any more room for me
In those jeans
Pretty thick like I like it
Tell me is there any more room for me
In those jeans
Looking tasty really scrumptious
Tell me is there any more room for me
In those jeans”

(“In Those Jeans.” By Genuwine. For me.)

Let’s make this an interactive type post! Is there a particular part of your body of which you are particularly fond of and would miss? And I don’t mean functionally. I’m strictly talking asthetics here. Head over to the comments section and let me know. Thanks!

** And no, those hips in the picture above are so not mine. Mine were browner. And rounder. And better. **


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6 thoughts on “Hips Don’t Lie!

  1. i am the proud, proud owner of what is called (amongst the youngsters) an “apple bottom”, a “badunka dunk” or, in the words of my high school sweetheart, “allll the ass!”

    i love my butt. it is round and wonderful. and, because i have always had it, and it was used to its own shape, my extreme weight gain did nothing to distort it. it did not spread outwards or side to side – it remained. sometimes (i need to be writing this in “hushed, secret text”!!!) sometimes, i move over in the mirror so only the back half of my body is reflected, and imagine myself when i lose all of my weight.

    ah, cheeky boy shorts in my drawer with the tags still on, when that day comes, you will be my new best friends!

    okay. there you go. and if my “bootyliscious” booty ever deserted me, i think that i would lock myself in a closet, never to be seen again.

    melodramatic, much?

    (smile!)

  2. ok. i’ll bite. i love my arms. i’ve been working out this year as well, and i love the new definition i have in my arms.

  3. I just lost a bunch of chest, but surprisingly I don’t miss it nearly as much as I thought I would. I too lost my outer hips and its so saddening. I don’t fill out my old fitted dresses with distinct curves anymore, could we have spun them off in spinning classes?

  4. When I was pregnant I had a booty for the first time in my life. It was fabulous as my whole life I’ve walked around with a fairly flat backside. Both times it melted away…I see now though that there are undies with butt padding in them, Buy a Booty if you will…

  5. @Kenya: I’m jealous. Always, always, wanted some junk in my trunk.

    @Melyssa: I’m jealous. (Notice a theme here?) Seems like my arms aren’t nearly as defined as I thought they’d be this far along in the work-out process.

    @Yolanda: I only had a nice “rack” when I was pregnant and nursing. Now, my chest is in a bad way. But that’s a whole ‘nother entry. I’m really alarmed to think that I’ve spun the sexy away! I think it is so funny that what all the fitness pros call saddlebags I was happy to have.

    @TKW: I don’t have a job. You’ve got a product with a catchy name. We’ve both got internet connections. I’m thinking WE could be Buy a Booty. Franchises, Sir Mix-A-Lot underwear signings . . . yes? We could put Victoria and her secrets out of biz.

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