Home » Life In General » Just Call Me Yuck-Mouth

Just Call Me Yuck-Mouth

A few months ago I was eating Doritos and to my horror, I broke a tooth.  Molar – upper left hand side.  I was shocked.  And awed.  And never bothered having it fixed, ’cause honestly, it didn’t hurt and I was a little embarassed at my toothlessness.

Fast forward.  About three weeks ago I decided enough was enough and called to make an appointment with my dentist.  Almost as soon as I hung up the phone, my mouth started hurting.  I’ve been crunching advil/tylenol/aspirin on and off for the last few weeks.

********

Dentist:  Nerd Girl, this tooth is in bad shape.  We’re going to have to pull it.

Nerd Girl:  Yeah, I figured as much.  Quite a bit of tooth came out when I broke it.

Dentist:  How long ago did you break it?  Months you say?  I can’t believe you’ve been walking around with a broken tooth, a low grade fever and an infection for months.  Haven’t you been feeling just awful?

Nerd Girl:  Nope, not really.  Just a little pain for the last few weeks.

Dentist:  You must have the pain tolerance of an elephant.  The good news is you’ve got a pretty large sized head and kind of small teeth.  This is actually a wisdom tooth that most people don’t have at your age anyhow.  We’ll just pull it.  No need for a replacement tooth or anything.

Nerd Girl:  (Did this joker just call me a big headed, small toothed elephant???) Um, okay.

********

Nerd Girl: Hello, Smoochy?  Yeah, they had to pull the tooth.  I’m a little nervous, I’ve got a scrip for  tylenol with codeine.  I don’t do drugs.  What if I pass out and Lovegirl needs me?

Smoochy:  They pulled your tooth?  Ewww.  I don’t want to kiss no toothless girl!  How much was it?

Nerd Girl:  $200.

Smoochy:  I meant after insurance.

Nerd Girl:  So did I.

Smoochy:  Daaaaaamn!  They would’ve pulled it at the clinic in Canton for $10.

Nerd Girl: (What the hell?  I’ve got to go delete that loving tribute to marriage I just posted last week….)  Uh yeah, I’m not going to no $10 dental clinic in Canton as long as I’ve got insurance, $200, and free will.

Smoochy:  Well, make sure you put the girl to bed before you start pill-poppin.

Nerd Girl:  Sigh.  Good bye.

********

Lovegirl:  Mama, what’s wrong with you?  Why are you talking like that?

Nerd Girl:  I went to the dentist, he pulled my tooth, and my mouth is packed with gauze.  I’m talking through clenched teeth.

Lovegirl:  Ewwww.  I don’t ever want to go to the dentist.  Ewwww.  I need my teeth.

Nerd Girl:  What?  Why are you talking like that?  What’s wrong with you?

Lovegirl:  I’m talking through clenched teeth like you Mama.  But I have all my teeth.  And you don’t.

********

Ladies and gentlemen, lesson learned.  Nerd Girl is getting serious about her dental care.  I brush, but that’s about it.  I’ve never “enjoyed” flossing so I do it rather infrequently and haphazardly.  Please believe that after having what was left of my tooth yanked out of my mouth, getting little or no sympathy from my peeps, and being told to eat soup, oatmeal, and potatoes for the next 4 or 5 days, I’m stepping up the dental care game.

Now I’ve got to go.  I’ve got an ice pack, drugs, a milkshake and a play-off game waiting for me.  I leave you with this childhood classic:

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16 thoughts on “Just Call Me Yuck-Mouth

  1. i paid $600 to get my wisdoms removed AFTER insurance. i was PISSED. ROTFL @ “Did this joker just call me a big headed, small toothed elephant???” lolololol

    • I guess I won’t complain about the 2 I paid! And if I need the other wisdoms extracted, I just won’t mention it to Smoochy with his cheap-dental-clinic-recommending-self 🙂

  2. LOL @ the dentist!

    when i had to get my wisdom teeth out, my health and dental both covered it because some were partially impacted. it was like $100 for all 4.

  3. This entire post was hilarious! But just wait until Lovegirl starts losing teeth, payyybbaccckkkkk!

    When I got my wisdom teeth out, I don’t know how much it was, but I do know my mom had to pay an extra $160 for them to put me to sleep because I threatened to fight the dentist and his assistant.

    • Oh, she’s ready for her teeth to fall out – having them pulled out is a totally different story.

      I can’t believe you threatened to fight and had to be knocked out. Oh wait – yes I can 🙂

  4. Ya’ll are too funny! lol I was eating a now-and-later when my last tooth came out (when I was a kid). Didn’t feel a thing but cried like a baby when I saw all the blood come out of my mouth after my wisdom teeth were removed (I was being nosey and wanted to see what it looked like and took the gauze out too soon).

    • Don’t add any fuel to the craziness that is his fire. The man is just crazy – but I love him for it!

      Kiss that precious baby for me – she is soooo sweet 🙂

  5. YIKES! Hope you feel better soon. I’ve never had to wear braces and never had to have any teeth pulled and I’ve only had one cavity in life (and I was an adult). All that to say, I don’t play that when it comes to the dentist. I’m trying to die with all my natural teeth. 🙂

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