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So, this morning on the way to school Lovegirl was lamenting her only child status and said “I don’t never have nobody to play with on the weekends!”  (Grammar lesson to follow – no worries)

Being the kind hearted Mama that I am I decided to text my sister-in-law and ask her if her youngest girl K could spend the night.  K is 4 as is Lovegirl.  She texted back “both A and K are available.  What time would you like them?  When it comes to family, they are a package deal.”  Um, okay.  A is 9.  I love them both dearly, but when I think about playmates for Lovegirl, my mind automatically goes to K.  I texted back  “cool, how about 6?”

I only have one child – and hope to keep it that way.  So of course, I’m used to making arrangements for one child and don’t have any other children to consider the feelings of.  I asked a few work friends with more than one if they had similar rules – were their children package deals?  One was like “nope.  If somebody wants one, they can have one.  If they want both, that’s cool too.”  Her children are 1 and 4.  The other one said “of course you get both.  That’s only fair.  Think about how the other one would feel.”  Her children are 11, 7 and 4.

I honestly didn’t think about how the other one would feel.  I am one of four.  We were raised not to expect something just because another one of us got something.  And that’s how we rolled.  And I pretty much agree with that.  Not where one kid can pick out a toy at the store and the other 3 can’t, but just because one got a new pair of shoes, we didn’t all get a pair of shoes.  You know?  I wasn’t trying to be inconsiderate or anything, it just didn’t occur to me to invite both.

Anyhow, I’ve been pondering this for a while and would now like to hear what you say.  Welcome to my first poll!  Feel free to leave any additional remarks in the comments section.

Muchas gracias – have a great weekend!


12 thoughts on “Hmmmm….

  1. When considering the feelings of the other kids, I don’t think the 9 year old would want to hang with two 4 year olds if she didn’t have to. So now what do you have to do, find something to entertain the 9 year old as well?

  2. I don’t have kids, but it seems like it owuld be nice to separate the kids and give one on one time with just one child. I do not believe instilling in children that they deserve everything their sibling gets.

  3. I have had this issue before, but only because mine are so close in age…6 and 8. When they were 2 and 4 it was most certainly a package deal. If you ask for one, you get both or none. That was just me. If one had a birthday party, both got gifts. That’s just how my family did it. But now that they are firmly established in their own personalities, it’s just whomever is ask. Usually, the baby girl is pissy, but it’s just a part of growing up.

    And it’s true. If the baby gets invited to a birthday party, then the older one and I go on a little mini date. Vice versa applies as well.

  4. My brothers are 15 months apart and when they were toddlers, we had to give them both presents on their birthdays to avoid hissy fits. No amount of discipline or reprimanding is going to soothe a 2-year old who sees his 3 year old brother getting presents that he’s not getting.

    On that same note, I’m five years older than the boys and I’ll be damned if I had to go anywhere with them and their friends when I was 9.

    I think the closer the kids are in age, then the more you have to deal with a package deal. Of course, I don’t have any kids, so I’m just talking a good game now, but I probably would have been like I’m not picking up both of your kids. Sorry. LOL!

  5. when i was 9, you could have gladly left me out of a sleepover w/4yos. And I would beg you to do so. I mean really at 7 I probably would, too. I think it was different w/me and my sister b/c we were only 19 mos apart. My mom really did it on a case-by-case basis even with family. With friends she wouldn’t tack one of us on but we ended up having a lot of the same friends when we were kids.

  6. I’m an only child, so I’m used to rolling solo. I can’t imagine that at 9, I would have wanted to be around two 4 year olds. But, that wasn’t the question, was it? *lol* Um, I don’t think that kids should be a package deal. The feelings of the other/uninvited child should be treated carefully by their parent(s). Reminds me birthday parties in elementary school. Sometimes you get invited, sometimes you don’t. Didn’t bother me. But, again, I may have a warped perspective.

  7. My sister and I are 3 years and 1 day apart and very close, but we were not a packaged deal. You got who you requested. We each had our own set of friends and the one who was home just hung with our parent’s. We had joint birthday parties every year but still didn’t expect gifts from the other’s friends. I don’t think I can recall one time where my parent’s said that both of us had to go so the other wouldn’t feel left out.

  8. No, i have 2 close in age too and no way are they a package deal. As a matter of fact, they enjoy being away from each other( on occasion) and having their own friends. Sounds like your SIL wanted a nite out, LOL!

  9. I have one child too. And I have a friend with two kids. They are 7 and 3. The 7 yr old is Tyler’s age and I want to invite him over, but I never do b/c I can’t deal with the 3 yr old. When I’m aruond them, I have to refrain from the urge to whip his lil bad azz. So I know he can’t come over w/out his mom. I have another friend with 3 kids. I try not to bring gifts to oen kid w/out something for the other. For instance, I had to buy them all souvenirs from Disney. But ain’t no way in hell I’m pickig up extra kids b/c somebody has moer than one. Sorry!

  10. I think its interesting that SIL insisted when there is a 5 year age difference. I understand the theory, but c’mon. There have been times when Bird’s godmother has picked her up for a special activity and T has felt in a way. On the other hand, I’ve also been in a situation where I really only wanted ONE kid and felt compelled to extend the invitation to the other.

    It should be ok for each kid to be an individual opposed to shadows of each other.

  11. No way. My sister has two boys, 10.5 and 6 years old. Viva is 6. We have had both kids over (even overnight) together, but as my older nephew has reached his preteen years we leave him out of the sleepovers. He has his own friends and he certainly does not feel left out of a 6-year-old “baby”-fest. I really don’t think he cares, and my sister knows it would be ridiculous. The other thing is, it would almost feel like we were inviting him to babysit the other two, which he would hate.

  12. Okay I don’t have any children yet so I may be unqualified to even vote or speak on this but in my opinion I think sissy in law is trippin a little. JUST based on the age difference of the children alone. Correct me if I’m wrong but 4 year olds and 9 year olds aren’t into the same thing are they? Sooo…yeah…seems totally reasonable that the 4 year old would come to your house and spend the night with your 4year old. I could see if her kids were close in age like 3 and 4 or 4 and 5 or even 4 and 6 maybe because they would like to do the same stuff and would all play together…but 4 and 9. I don’t even know if the 9 year old would WANT to come. Right?

    Perhaps the difference in this situation is that you’re family and I know that when me and my brothers were younger (I have two older brothers) we all loved going to spend the night at our Aunts house or Grandparents house even though we were different ages. Maybe that’s it.

    Girl I don’t know…LOL.

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