Work, Sweet Work

6:40 a.m. – Lovegirl and I hit the door and head to school/work

7:00 a.m. – Drop Lovegirl off at the world’s best little Christian school.

7:01 a.m. – Hop back in the car.  Which won’t start.  Sit in car and look stupid for a few.

7:07 a.m. – Call Smoochy.  He says “I sure hope you don’t need a new starter.  Those cost.”  Sigh.  Get off the phone with Smoochy.

7:25 a.m. – Walk across the street to the service station to see if someone’s there who can give me a boost.  Nope, the service dudes don’t get in until 8.  But I can sit and wait.  Nope.  I’ll sit and wait in my car – at least my radio is still working.  If I sit here and listen to Merle Haggard for 35 minutes, I’ll go nuts.

8:00 a.m. – Walk back over to service station.  Convince dude to come boost my battery.  Which he does.  I then ask if he can test the battery.  Sure he can.  He then tells me I definitely need a new battery.  Which will be $98.  Um, no.  So he charges me $20 for the boost service call.  Whatever.

8:03 a.m. – Smoochy calls and tells me to take it A.utoZone.  In the hood.  No.  So I take it to A.utoZone.  In the ‘burbs.  They tell me it is the alternator.  I think about having Chick-Fil-A minis for breakfast.  Might as well eat good, I’m already late.

8:35 a.m. – I pull into Chick-Fil-A and decide the drive-through line is too long.  So I park.  And turn off the car.  Doh!  Thank God, it starts.  So I turn it back off and go inside to get my tasty minis and an orange juice.  Priorities.

8:50 a.m. – I call Smoochy back and ask him what to do.  He says take the car to W.alMart and get the battery tested.  So, I do.  They say I definitely need a battery.  Are you keeping up?  That’s 2 for new battery, 1 for alternator. 

8:57 a.m. – I leave W.alMart, driving east.  Not sure where to go or what to do.  Smoochy calls back.  Asks me when we last bought a battery for my ride.  Never.  Never?  Never.  6 years, same battery.  Then he tells me to go back to W.alMart and buy a battery.  NO WAY.  I’m too far away.  So he tells me to go to the A.utoZone.  In the hood.  Again.  So I do.

9:30 a.m. – Tell the dude at A.utoZone I need a battery.  How do I know, he asks.   Tell him the story.  Dude decides to test my battery.  Tells me I don’t need one.  Tests the alternator.  Tells me it is good.  I spaz a little.  He notes the reading from the alternator –  flux capacitor jiggawatts or something – and says we’ll go inside and see how many flux capacitor jiggawatts my alternator is supposed to be putting out.  Okay fine.  I get out the car.  My keys do not.  Seriously????  Now I’m locked out.  Dude asks me if I have a hanger.  I know he’s trying to help, but h*ll no!  I do not conveniently have a hanger.  I call Smoochy and then roadside assistance.  Roadside assistance tells me someone will be there in about 30 minutes.  Smoochy calls back and tells me Little Ro-Ro will be there in about 10. 

9:40 – Little Ro-Ro wins hustler of the year as he pulls up.  I call Smoochy and tell him LRR has arrived.  Smoochy tells me to pass LRR the phone.  I do.  Smoochy says to pay LRR $30.  Uhhh, LRR is going to have to wait until I go to the ATM.  Smoochy asks where the $50 is he gave me the other day.  Duh.  I put it in the bank.  Smoochy sighs and tells me I need to keep a little emergency cash on me.  I tell him I do have a little emergency cash.  $8.  LRR finishes breaking into unlocking my car and tells me to just have Smoochy pay him whenever. 

10:00 a.m. – I call roadside assistance and cancel the call.  Smoochy calls me back and tells me he bets I just need a new belt or some such.  I tell him that I no longer give a damn.

10:30 a.m. – I sit down in my chair at work, never having been happier to be at my job!  I sure hope my car starts this evening….


Fake, Baby!

On this morning’s commute (makes the “drive” to work sound so professional) I was listening to R.ickey S.miley and his morning show crew.  Somehow they’d gotten into a big debate on whether or not it was “okay” to rock fake goods.  Like, if you can’t afford/won’t spend money on a real LV, is there something wrong with rocking a “purse man” special?

The presumably g.ay guy was in an uproar and insisted that if you can’t afford the real thing you should save your pennies and treat yourself.  The female sidekick was of the opinion that if you can’t/won’t spend on the real thing, the fakes were fine.  The g.ay dude went as far as saying that when single women buy fake luxury items they are setting themselves up for the man/men in their lives to buy cheap/fake items for them and that shouldn’t expect more because the women themselves had established themselves as cheap.  Hmmm.

I don’t mean wrong from a copyright infringement, counterfeit goods, morality standpoint, I mean, if you can’t/won’t pay full price should you rock a phony from an aesthetic or cool p.o.v.?

If you can’t afford diamond studs are diamante just as good?  Are you after the look or the authenticity?  Or both?   

Personally – I could care less.  I’m not wearing/carrying any conspicuous luxury items real or fake.  Those folks pay not a one of my bills and I’m not trying to keep up with or impress the Jones’.  I wear costume jewelry but I’m pretty sure no one mistakes it for the real thing – and I’m not trying to fool anyone into doing so. 

Thoughts?  Whether you have some to share or not, enjoy this one from back in the day.  My boy,  Al.exander O’neal! 

Won’t You Smile A While For Me?

This weekend, I had plenty of opportunities to smile….

Saturday – I check my mail and there was a package addressed to yours truly with no return address.  My curiosity outweighed my suspicion and I ripped it open to find that Kelly sent me a mascara and some shoe insoles.  I kid you not – I’d just put mascara on my list of things to buy and mentioned to Smoochy that I needed some insoles for my summer sandals.  Right on time!  I smiled.

Saturday night – Smoochy and I headed out for a rare date night – we went to see Ge.orge W.ilborn, D.C. C.urry,B.ruce B.ruce and S.ommore.  Honestly?  I was a little disappointed.  The show was not as great as I’d anticipated, but there were definitely funny moments.  The best comedian of the night?  We decided D. C. C.urry made the show.  I couldn’t believe my boy B.ruce B.ruce didn’t bring it!  But, it was a great night out, we did share some chuckles.  And the fashion show that inevitably occurs when there are more than 5 black folks in a room?  Priceless!  We saw more leather, pleather, moisturized jheri curls and size 30s wearing size 6 than the law should allow.  And that was just on our row.  I smiled.

Sunday – I was trifling and didn’t go to church.  When I finally got up around 9:30 I headed to the grocery store and bought up some stuff to cook for Smoochy this week.  After knocking out sausage and onions, green curry chicken, bean and rice burritos, smothered cabbage, green peas and a veggie medley I was tired.  And happy that I was able to send Smoochy off with another week’s worth of healthy meals.  Lovegirl and I bummed around the rest of the day.  A great way to spend a cool, drizzly Sunday.  I smiled.

What brought a smile to your face this weekend?

Life Lesson #9320

If your daughter’s ends start looking a little ragged and you try to trim them yourself?  You will end up paying S.uperC.uts to correct the mess you made and your daughter will spend a great portion of the evening looking like the world’s shortest D.iana R.oss impersonator. 

Not really sure why she chose to pose with a loaf of bread.....

WWYD – I’ll Always Love My Mama

My mom is cool people.  Really cool people.  Like, I am 37 years old and I still think she is the greatest thing since sliced bread.  And I think sliced bread is awesome!  I know a lot of people have not-so-great relationships with their mothers and I really feel sorry for them.  I cannot imagine – I will not imagine – having a bad or nonexistent relationship with mi madre.  God really blessed me when he gave me that little 5’3 package I call mama.

My brothers are blessed with the same wonderful mama.  And do you know not one of those knot heads called her yesterday to check on her after her foot surgery?  Not one. 

All day long I thought “hmm, I should probably text them and remind them to call and check on mama this afternoon.”  Then I thought “nah, surely the idjits will remember to call their mama and make sure she’s okay.”  Nope, they didn’t.  And I wish I’d sent them the text.  Because my mom was so hurt that not one of her three sons thought enough about her to call her.  I was soooo pissed.  I realize that foot surgery isn’t “major” surgery, but still – anytime they knock you out and cut you open is “major” enough for me.

Now, I’m thinking that maybe today I should text them all and remind them (who the heck needs reminding about their own mother?!?) to call and check on her today.  I’m sure if they all call her today she’ll know that I told them to do so ~ and I’m not sure that’ll really make her feel better about their callousness yesterday.

So my beloveds, this post which I was writing to relieve a little frustration, has now become a WWYD. 

If you were in my shoes would you let it ride or would you call/text the bruhs, tell them how triflling they are and remind them to call their mama?


P.S.  If Lovegirl ever did this to me I’d be crushed.  Absolutely crushed.  But I’d call her and tell her about herself – I know my mama won’t ever mention this to my brothers.

Life Lessons ~ The Snowy Day Version

  1. The prospect of watching N.ick Jr. all day more than makes up for missing a Valentine’s Day party at school.
  2. When the D.ISH network goes out – and it will go out – there will be much wailing, moaning, and gnashing of teeth.  The resident child will be pretty upset too!
  3. That DVR thingie?  Learn to use it and record at least 12 hours of shows that will occupy a small child.
  4. Buy more junk food.  Short people rebel after a steady diet of carrots, apple slices and cheese sticks.
  5. H.ulu rocks!  As did the documentary S.upersize Me.  (Yes, yes, I know I’m way late with this one)
  6. If you work in a hospital, you are pretty much expected to come to work no matter what.  It is at times like this one is particularly glad to use one’s child as an excuse.
  7. Everyone should have at least 2 snow days a year.
  8. Magic shows put on by five year old children suck.
  9. Do rush to the store the night before the predicted snowstorm to buy milk.  However else will you make cornbread to go with the requisite pot of beans and rice?
  10. Daytime television pretty much sucks.  See number 3 and adapt for adults.
  11. Snow, in small Mississippi increments?  Be-yooo-tiful!