6:40 a.m. – Lovegirl and I hit the door and head to school/work
7:00 a.m. – Drop Lovegirl off at the world’s best little Christian school.
7:01 a.m. – Hop back in the car. Which won’t start. Sit in car and look stupid for a few.
7:07 a.m. – Call Smoochy. He says “I sure hope you don’t need a new starter. Those cost.” Sigh. Get off the phone with Smoochy.
7:25 a.m. – Walk across the street to the service station to see if someone’s there who can give me a boost. Nope, the service dudes don’t get in until 8. But I can sit and wait. Nope. I’ll sit and wait in my car – at least my radio is still working. If I sit here and listen to Merle Haggard for 35 minutes, I’ll go nuts.
8:00 a.m. – Walk back over to service station. Convince dude to come boost my battery. Which he does. I then ask if he can test the battery. Sure he can. He then tells me I definitely need a new battery. Which will be $98. Um, no. So he charges me $20 for the boost service call. Whatever.
8:03 a.m. – Smoochy calls and tells me to take it A.utoZone. In the hood. No. So I take it to A.utoZone. In the ‘burbs. They tell me it is the alternator. I think about having Chick-Fil-A minis for breakfast. Might as well eat good, I’m already late.
8:35 a.m. – I pull into Chick-Fil-A and decide the drive-through line is too long. So I park. And turn off the car. Doh! Thank God, it starts. So I turn it back off and go inside to get my tasty minis and an orange juice. Priorities.
8:50 a.m. – I call Smoochy back and ask him what to do. He says take the car to W.alMart and get the battery tested. So, I do. They say I definitely need a battery. Are you keeping up? That’s 2 for new battery, 1 for alternator.
8:57 a.m. – I leave W.alMart, driving east. Not sure where to go or what to do. Smoochy calls back. Asks me when we last bought a battery for my ride. Never. Never? Never. 6 years, same battery. Then he tells me to go back to W.alMart and buy a battery. NO WAY. I’m too far away. So he tells me to go to the A.utoZone. In the hood. Again. So I do.
9:30 a.m. – Tell the dude at A.utoZone I need a battery. How do I know, he asks. Tell him the story. Dude decides to test my battery. Tells me I don’t need one. Tests the alternator. Tells me it is good. I spaz a little. He notes the reading from the alternator – flux capacitor jiggawatts or something – and says we’ll go inside and see how many flux capacitor jiggawatts my alternator is supposed to be putting out. Okay fine. I get out the car. My keys do not. Seriously???? Now I’m locked out. Dude asks me if I have a hanger. I know he’s trying to help, but h*ll no! I do not conveniently have a hanger. I call Smoochy and then roadside assistance. Roadside assistance tells me someone will be there in about 30 minutes. Smoochy calls back and tells me Little Ro-Ro will be there in about 10.
9:40 – Little Ro-Ro wins hustler of the year as he pulls up. I call Smoochy and tell him LRR has arrived. Smoochy tells me to pass LRR the phone. I do. Smoochy says to pay LRR $30. Uhhh, LRR is going to have to wait until I go to the ATM. Smoochy asks where the $50 is he gave me the other day. Duh. I put it in the bank. Smoochy sighs and tells me I need to keep a little emergency cash on me. I tell him I do have a little emergency cash. $8. LRR finishes breaking into unlocking my car and tells me to just have Smoochy pay him whenever.
10:00 a.m. – I call roadside assistance and cancel the call. Smoochy calls me back and tells me he bets I just need a new belt or some such. I tell him that I no longer give a damn.
10:30 a.m. – I sit down in my chair at work, never having been happier to be at my job! I sure hope my car starts this evening….