Do you think I’m mean? Me either! Sarcastic, dry wit? Yeah, all of that. But mean? Nah.
recently occurred to me that a lot of people think I’m mean. More people have said “oooh, I thought you were mean when I first met you” than I’d like to admit. Now usually once people get to know me, they like me (I guess), but apparently my first impression isn’t the best. Maybe my nickname in my previous job was “Tall Dreaded Thunder.” Maybe.
I get it from my Mama. (Sorry Mom.) I was thinking about family dynamics – none of my brothers’ girlfriends/wives have thought my mother liked them initially. None of them. They’d tell me “oh Nerd Girl, your mom is just mean, she doesn’t like me and I don’t know why.” And I’d be all “what are you talking about, my Mama doesn’t dislike you.” On this last trip to CA, I could kind of see where they were coming from. My Mama can be a little…snappy. But she doesn’t realize it. The whole “it’s not what you say, but how you say it” thing coming into play.
This bothers me. A lot. Mostly because of Lovegirl. I don’t want her to suffer what seems to be a generational…tendency. I remember the boss that fired me telling me that she’d be more comfortable if I looked happier. She suggested that I smile more and wear pink. So that totally didn’t happen. I refused to alter my appearance to make that crazy heffa more comfortable with me. I didn’t give a good damn…oh wait, this isn’t helping my case. What I’m saying is maybe we do give off a “damn u” vibe. I don’t want to pass that on to Lovegirl. Am I making sense? I don’t want Lovegirl to be a total pushover/people pleaser that everyone “likes” but I also don’t want her to be perceived as mean and deemed unlikeable/unhirable/unwhateverable before people get a chance to know her and judge her on her merits. I do not want my child to go through drama – in her personal or professional life – because people think she’s mean.
Would you care? Would you try to make an adjustment? Or would you say eff it and let the chips fall where they may? Don’t get me wrong – I’m not up nights worrying about this, but if more than one person has mentioned this on more than one occasion, I can’t help but wonder if I need to look within and consider working on self.
And yeah, I know this was kinda rambly and all over the place, but I hope what I was trying to express came through and that you’ll help a sister out.
Thanks in advance!