A lady at work and I were talking the other day about weekend plans. She mentioned that she was going garage sale hopping and that she was taking her husband. I asked if her husband liked going to garage sales. She said that he did not, but that she made him go. And that gave me pause.
Even before Smoochy hit the road as a driver, I never thought of him as my constant escort. Some things I went to, some things he went to, and some things we went to together. I don’t think in the the 17 years we’ve been together I’ve ever made him go to anything. I can’t really see that I ever would. I would no more make him go to a performance of the metropolitan opera than he would make me go to a fight. If I told him I really wanted him to go, he’d go – and vice versa. But I know he doesn’t like certain things and I’m happy to go with a friend or roll out solo if he doesn’t want to go. There have been things I’ve asked him to go to – Alvin Ailey, Jefferson Airplane/REO Speedwagon concert, and a Balinese dance troupe performance – where he surprised me and said yes. And I was happy to have him as my date. But if he’d said no, I would not have been messed up about it.
Where do you stand on this one? Do you and S/O “make” each other go places, or are y’all happy to let there be spaces in your togetherness? Just curious…
Nerd Girl 
I never “make” my SO do anything with me. I only want him there willingly. Dragging him along doesn’t do me or him any good. Plus I’m an only child so I have no problem doing anything by myself. As a matter of fact, I need to be by myself sometimes. I don’t want my SO in my face all the time. I also need my ladies-only time with my girls too. My SO and I are free to pursue our own interests and hobbies, with or without each other. And fortunately, we’re both on the same page in that respect.
I hosted a co-ed baby shower and I had to make him come. I needed him to be host for the men. He’s made me attend and bring the kids to h.s. football games.
We have different methods of force. I use deep sighs and get quiet. When he wants my attendance he tells me people wonder/ask him where the wife is and when I come he tells me how much he loves having me there to support him. If football was inside I’d go more often.
I would never make him go to sorority events and I look at the faces of the men in attendance and chuckle because I know they were probably forced to attend.
I am okay with making spouses go places as long as the power of force is used sparingly.
I automatically shut down when I hear things like “make” (someone do something) or “allow” (someone to do something).
I sometimes accompany my husband to stuff I’m not interested in just to spend time with him (doing something he loves) or because I know he wants me to be there. He doesn’t “make” me go and I don’t “make” him go when the tables are turned. That said, I also tell him when I’m not interested in whatever he’s suggesting.
#teamdonna
I cannot make my big old husband do anything he doesn’t wanna do.
Sometimes I “make” him go places where I know he’ll have fun when he’s not doing anything anyway. He enjoys himself. Other times I’ll ask and he’ll surprise me. Sometimes I’ll just ask politely until he breaks down. Most times, though it’s just his choice. He usually ends up accompanying me if he thinks I want him to go. Sometimes I don’t really care but he thinks I do so he comes. I don’t mind either way. We’ve had this discussion but he still likes to try to read my mind… I can’t discourage him from doing that when I’ve been asking for it! LOLOL Would I make him go to something he’s expressed displeasure for? That’ll be a no…. most of the times. I know this makes me sound terrible but I yam what I yam and if he didn’t want to do something that badly, trust me, he wouldn’t.
I know she said she “makes him go” but I doubt it. Honestly, I don’t think you can make somebody do something they don’t want to. You can ask, nag, cry etc. and they still have the power to say yes or no. I am pretty sure he derives some type of pleasure from those outings or he wouldn’t do it. If I ever felt made to do something, I would probably act the fool to the point I would never get an invitation again! I think the husband could make her so miserable that she wouldn’t ask again. If he hasn’t he’s fine with it. All of this IMO.
I agree!
Nah, in our house(s) grownups do what they wanna do. Fortunately, I’m so understanding when it comes to his bball games that he’ll pretty much do whatever I ask him to do. Except go shopping with me — and believe me, that is just as well with me. The one time we went shopping together was enough for a hundred years.
This.Right.Here.
The only thing I made my EX do was to go to some of those “age recommended” Doctor appointments. I could have cared less if he wanted to or not. WE have kids and I wasn’t going to back down and let him procrastinate himself into some preventable disease.
All I have to do is ask my S/O to go somewhere or to do something and he usually says yes. And I have asked for some pretty crazy stuff.. LOL
He’s very easy to get along with, so if he doesn’t want to go I know that means he REALLY doesn’t want to go. And that’s ok with me.
I can’t MAKE my bf do anything nor would I want to. That just sounds weird to me. Like you, if either of us really want the other to do something we will but there is no making anyone do anything.
I made that mistake once early in my relationship and it wasn’t a good day for either of us. Lesson learned: I have a life; he has a life; and we have a life.
I have made Mel go to a few things. And while it wasn’t the best feeling while doing it, I still did it. And I’m glad I did. Nothing I would brag about..but yeah. I’m glad I made him.
Now , if he went once and hated it, I dropped it. At least he tried it. I think it’s helped him to be a more rounded person, and I KNOW if I didn’t make him, he would have never done it on his own…
I think he’ll go if my “really, really want you there” feelings are stronger than his “not wanting to go” feelings. 🙂 And vice versa.
I think we’re both a a balanced mixture of wanting to please and doing what we want to do so it works.