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Lowered Expectations…

Yesterday my friend-girl and I took the kids to a movie and dinner in lieu of watching the Super Bowl.  She doesn’t like football and I didn’t care about the game at all – but congratulations to the Giants and all their fans!

Anyhoo, we got to talking about relationships.  We’ve both been married for almost 13 years.  We were laughing and talking about how when we first got married and our incomes really sucked (not that they’re so great now) and how our husbands would get jobs, lose jobs, quit jobs and we just rolled with the punches.  We had what we had and we were okay with it.  Then we started talking in “what ifs” – what if we were dating/newly married now.  Would we be as easy going as we were 13, 14, 15 years ago?  We decided that when we were young and in love all the other stuff – income, credit scores, cars didn’t matter – we built our lives – such as they are – with our husbands and we came up together.  We decided we wouldn’t likely be as easy going now.  She decided that I’d probably be less rigid with my “wish list” than would she.  Who knows?

Anyhow, I’d like to know what you think.  Do you think marrying at a “younger” age (I was 26, Smoochy 27.  She and her hubby were 25/27) lends itself to building a life together more so than marrying “later” in life?  I’ve been reading a lot about prenups in “regular” folks marriages and protecting assets, etc., etc.  Not that we had much to protect, but the matter of protecting/separating my assets and his assets was never even broached.

Just curious.  Weigh in por favor!


14 thoughts on “Lowered Expectations…

  1. I married when I was 20. 12.5 years later, well. I was very flexible then with regard to money (who needs it when you have love?;) and homes and cars and jobs. But, I was far more rigid when it came to what I found acceptable, then, in terms of communication and personal life, extended family relationships, the differences between our likes and hobbies, and sex. Now, I think I’m far more willing to bend and work things out and try new things for the sake of our marriage long term, as is he with me.
    We were just kids, looking back. We don’t take so many things as seriously as we did then.
    Neat post.

  2. I remember dating in college. Not dating to get married, but just dating b/c someone was cute, I liked them or whatever reason. Most of the people I met were similarly situated, ie. students. We really didn’t have credit or bills, etc. just regular college living. I don’t think I had any lists or requirements. But when I think back to that time I met the best guys. By best I mean they had great character. Even when things might not have worked out romantically, we left as friends. Now I’m 10+ years old and I can’t imagine dating a man just b/c he’s cute. It seems that each stage you pass in life there is more to “consider” and rightly so b/c by then you are having more life experience and you are knowing what NOT to get hooked up with. Or if you haven’t learned, you do from your own experience and if you get burned bad enough you don’t touch that TYPE of fire again.

  3. I would have liked to have married early in life. I married at 35 which is pretty much an ok time to start a life with someone (so I’m told), but we’ve encountered quite a few challenges that probably would have been easier to handle if we were younger.

    But to answer your question, I think marrying younger does prove to building a better life together as you have more ground to cover together.

  4. I married at 30, but we lived together for 2 years prior to that. He had been married before, but as soon as we got together we started saving for a house. We saved in a joint account, bought a house, live in it for 2 years and then got married. We were married 18 years before we divorced.

    I don’t think my requirements changed since then. Even at the age I am now I don’t judge a man by what material thinngs he has or doesn’t have. I am my Fathers daughter, I have my own and I always will. I want and have a man that has his own. We share our lives together, buy some things together, but keep our money separate! That’s the difference with the younger me and the older me. Now I don’t co-mingle funds. And even after Al and I are married it’s going to have to stay that way.

  5. I dunno, I can only speak for me and the answer would be yes.
    I wasn’t totally clueless – but looking back its refreshing how we approached things back then.
    the one thing that wouldnt change is we had to have the same spiritual foundation which determines how everything else is handled.

  6. I got married at 20 and we were both broke. Everything we have, we built together. I do feel like that was acceptable because I was young and very much in love. If I were older, then love probably wouldn’t have been enough. But for us a prenup couldn’t have been an issue because all that we have really is half the other person’s. I hope I answered your question.

  7. I married young and I was much more concerned with character than anything else. I think i’d still be the same way now, but that might be because I’m still young.

  8. I am not married but I can see how things such as savings, spending habits, credit scores did not matter as much when you are younger. I was young and in love wearing rose colored glasses (AND blinders), those things just were not important. I totally went on feelings. I know that when I marry (positive thinking going on here) those things will matter. I am a single mom building a pretty good life on my own and my future husband does not have to ball till he falls but he will need to bring something to the table.

  9. I think it’s the fact that times have changed, more than just being young. People go into marriage thinking of divorce. The whole point of being married is to build a life together.

  10. We were 24/26 when we married and we were both raised that once you got married, you stayed married. All we had were student loans, credit card debt and car notes. So yeah, it was easy for us to build together. Not saying marriage itself was easy at first but knowing that we both wanted to stay married helped us build the life and family that we have now.

    As far as later in life, if its the first marriage then I could see putting in the effort to build. Though I can’t ever see re-marrying if I became single for any reason, I really doubt if I would work at building at all.

  11. I do think that getting married younger allows you to build with your spouse. But with more and more people getting married later (like me!) you tend to come to a marriage with a bunch of “stuff”. But really regular folks like me and you, working regular ass jobs don’t even have enough stuff to require a pre-nup. Folks are thinking a bit too much of themselves. The main folks talking about stuff like that are usually the folks that ain’t got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of any damn way.

    However, even at my advanced age (lol), I still believe that there is much for me and Myron to achieve together. I’m looking forward to it!

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